Yall Ain't Ready

I'd be lying if I thought this was gonna be easy. Last year I made the mistake of over valuing the Lakers ability to handle the Spurs with ease and under valued the Celtics as a unit. Not this year. If the Lakers team that played half hearted against the Rockets shows up, Phil Jackson will still be missing his second pinkie ring. If the Lakers that showed up High Powered like in game 6 against Denver rears its head, bring out the body bags. I'm thinking that Mr. Hyde was more our Denver series style. If Andrew Bynum shows a pulse against Superman it's gonna be death the Jekyll. Meet the NBA version of the Redeem Team. Make it happen Mamba.

ScapeG.O.A.T.

I hear the Detroit car industry was doing great til he showed up too.

Pound for pound, Allen Iverson is arguably one of the greatest of all-time. If MJ is the NBA's Ali then A.I. is basketball's Answer to Roy Jones Jr. Don't let this blame game that ESPN loves to play with controversial athletes (T.O.) fool you. Does it take time to adjust to a scoring talent like A.I.? Hell yeah, but before you go pointing fingers at the man, realize that Joe Dumars, probably the best G.M. in the game right now, made a change for a reason. He saw a franchise that was in need of a overhaul and pulled out the tried and true V-6 engine(Billups) and dropped in the aged but still quick as hell V-8 5.0 in Detroit's favorite muscle car. Of course there are still some nuts (Rasheed) and bolts (McDyess) that still need to be tightened. Besides, lets be honest, if this was anyone else who had put up the same kind of numbers over their career and single handily drug a semi-talented team to the finals while earning the MVP, would they be subjected to this kind of scrutiny?

This is the man who came in 96 and changed the game, but stayed the same. Until A.I., a lot of young cats were afraid to truly embrace the urban community and the hip-hop culture that originates from there. There where too many endorsement opportunities whose target market was middle and upper class white America to be tatted up and have cornrows in the L. Not for Bubba Chuck. Those same white kids were the ones buying Reebok t-shirts with tattoos printed on them and shoes with a portrait of a rowed up A.I. on them by the boatload. If you google "keeping it real" Ivey's picture should pop up on your monitor. He paved the way for guys like LeBron, Melo and countless others to stray from the Jordan cookie cutter mold and still be the same guys from Akron and Baltimore and be marketable at the same time. A.I. flipped the script. Allen started this "be yourself" shit, and this is the thanks he gets?

Christmas Come Early!

Thank you SLAM FAMILIA...

I just received an e-mail from Susan Price at SLAM informing me that I will be the proud new owner of Kobe's Hyperdunks that were used in his viral video campaign last year, signed by the Mamba himself. No Eboy, I did not jizz in my pants. For those of you who need a refresher course on Mamba Marketing 101, Kobe rocked the Hyperdunks in two diffrent youtube vids last year. One jumping over a moving Aston Martin, another jumping over a pool of snakes with the cast of Jackass.



Can't say thank you enough to Susan, Ben, Ryne, and anyone else at SLAM who contributed to this incredibly awesome hookup. No mag on the planet takes care of their people like SLAM. No word on which pair I'm getting yet, the Aston Martins or the Snake Pool ones, but either one will be equally amazing considering not only will they be autographed by Kobe but they'll also have a great story to go with it. I 'll be posting pics as soon as the UPS man pulls out of the driveway. Thanks Again.

It Was All a Dream

One More Chance...

Somebody pinch me. For real? Kobe, Shaq, and Phil back at it like Illmatic. Only in Hollywood. Arguably the greatest NBA coach of all-time torn between arguably two of the NBA's most talented players ever. Shaq, a center that was so skilled and so damn physically intimidating that he influenced an entire generation of young Seven-footers to work on their jumpers and play the four. Kobe, labeled the Second Coming since he started getting burn off the L.A. bench, blossomed into one of the greatest all around shooting guards of all-time and damn sure the scariest scoring threat in league history. Then you have Phil, he of the 9 rings and eccentric coaching philosophy. They had enough talent to go on a Bill Russell run between the two of them, but they also had enough ego to make Usain Bolt and Jeremy Piven look humble. The three-peat was incredible but everyone knows that there should've been so much more to them than that. But with Kobe's legal trouble, the failure that was the 2004 season, and Shaq's constant bitching about money and inability to stay in shape in the offseason, came the bitter divorce. Mitch and Jerry pulled the trigger on a dynasty.

Everyone all ready knows the he said he said stories. The interviews, the books, the freestyles, all the bullshit. Shaq would drop a jab at Kobe in an interview, Kobe would drop 50 on someone in response. There was no doubt that their was hate involved. Shaq got his sweet revenge by teaming with Flash and bringing a ring to Miami. Kobe gunned his way into the record books and struggled to get out of the first round with his D-League like squads. With Shaq gone and D-Fish playing elsewhere as well, Kobe went into "Me against the World" mode, trusting only himself and his jumper and almost pushing himself out of L.A. in the process. Then last year, something finally clicked, Lamar started playing like the guy they traded for, D-Fish swam back, and Sasha decided to turn on the machine during working hours. Memphis chipped in with a little help too. Pau was the legit second banana that Kobe had longed for. As things where finally shaping up in L.A. Shaq's personal and professional life was spiraling downward. The Heat where tanking, his home life was all over the tabloids, Shaq was apparently possessed by the ghost of Kandi-Man, and was promptly shipped to the valley of the Suns in exchange for a disgruntled basketball swiss army knife with an attitude problem. Kobe fell short in the Finals and Shaq inquired to the taste of his own anus. Terrible.

Then something crazy happened. Shaq was reborn in Phoenix this season(Apparently Jesus Christ is the Sun's Trainer. Who knew?), playing more like the guy who won 4 rings than the guy that caused D'Antoni to head to the Big Apple, and Kobe, now more than ever apparently has trust in his teammates and his coach and has finally mastered the team leader and 4th quarter killer role that Phil has been molding him for since day one. Both guys had incredible first halves of the season and when it was announced that they would be reunited for one night in Phoenix, the media jumped on the story as if Michael Phelps and Alex Rodriguez came out of the closet together. The best part was that all parties involved seemed genuinely excited about the opportunity to get back together again. As soon as Shaqerwokee entered the building and Kobe nailed his first jumper there was no question whose night this was. The Big Legendaries where back, at least for one night.


Kobe threw down dunks and nailed threes, Shaq pounded the paint and threw in some crazy passes, handles, and cuts to the basket. Basically they got their 2001 on. As I watched the game with a huge silly smile on my face I couldn't help but think about how surreal of a moment this was. Even two years ago who could've ever imagined in their wildest dreams that we would ever see Kobe and Shaq playing together, laughing together, winning together except on ESPN Classic. Not me. I figured we'd eventually see a retired gray bearded Shaq and naturally balded Kobe give an interview well into their fifties about their story and how all the b.s. was behind them but not this soon. This was some Pac and Biggie-style beef. At least the basketball version of that. These dudes were not collaborating on a court any time soon. No fucking way. God had a bigger plan. This ,along with Magic's last All-Star game, will always hold a special place in heart. I guess this is just another microcosm in sports that shows that real change is possible. Here's to hoping that Pac and B.I.G. had a similar moment on the other side.

Report Card Time! Vol. III

The Clippers and Kings should go half on a Tudor. Pacific Division's turn.
Los Angeles Clippers
It's funny because it's true. Well at least that whole embarrassing the NBA since 1970 is. Damn. This was supposed to be the season too. The Rebirth. The prodigal son returns. They also added Cambyman and Eric Gordon to a squad that already had the ever improving Al Thornton and Hulkamaniac Chris Kaman. Sure Elton left, but no one expected this. An opening night ass whooping by the big boys across the gym had to be a brutal wake up call for B-Diddy and the Fam. So what went wrong? Well...Elton left. Now Elton isn't sitting in a much better situation in Philly, but the void he left in Clipperland and the way he played with Coach Dunleavy's emotions definitely had a negative impact on this team that is still lingering. The main problem on the court is that this team has no bench. Name two players on the Clipshow bench without nba.com. Exactly. They have no bench, no chemistry, and Baron apparently isn't the savior that all three Clipper fans had been praying for. Don't get me wrong, I love Baron's game, but what I don't love is his constant headbutting with his coach and the way he seems to care more about his production company than the job that gave him the ability to have a production company in the first place. Like I said in the NOYZ section of SLAM, Baron signed with the only franchise that gives him a better chance at winning an Academy Award than a NBA related one. They'll be lucky to break 25 wins this year and the future doesn't look much better. The more things change...


SACRAMENTO KINGS

"We gotta be throwed to cheer for these assclowns"

What can you say about the Sacramento Kings that wasn't already said about the Bush Administration's last few months in the White House. They don't give a fuck how horrible of a job they're doing because they're getting the hell out of town anyways. Vegas here we come. Kevin Martin has been pretty much the only bright spot on a team that struggles for an identity that it will never find without the support of the Maloof Brothers, which they won't get until they suck bad enough to keep every loyal Sacramento King fan out of the gym and Stern gives the O.K. to head to Sin City. This fiasco has been brutally obvious since the decline of C-Webb and the All-Star game on the strip a couple of years back. The Maloof's were drooling. So they decided to screw the fans that had rooted the team into the playoffs for half a decade, blow up their team instead of rebuild it, and wait it out. If they keep playing like this they will soon get their wish. Trading Ron Artest to the Rockets for Donte Green and change may be helpful in the long run but it was the nail in the coffin for Reggie Theus as coach. Brad Miller is still Brad Miller, Bobby Jackson is not still Bobby Jackson, and Beno is a competitor with Gas-X, not an NBA starting point guard. Their biggest surprise this year has been a rookie named Bobby Brown. These guys will also be lucky to break 25 wins this season and Vegas is definitely the Maloof's prerogative.

Phoenix Suns
Who would've thought in their wildest dream that the same Shaq that everyone saw fall in Miami and get traded to the desert would be the centerpiece on a squad that boasts Nash and Amare? Not me. The Suns are a more complicated than Trigonometry. They seem to have all the parts to make at least one last push for a championship but as much as I admire Terry Porter and the things he has overcome to become a head coach in this league, he just doesn't seem like the right fit for this team. Not only are they having problems implementing a gameplan that makes sense on a nightly basis, word out of Phoenix is that the lockeroom isn't quite what it used to be either. Turns out Shawn Marion wasn't the only person with a ego on the Suns the past couple of years, he was just an easy scapegoat with an ugly jumper. Suns fans should try to enjoy this version of the team as much as possible this year considering the whole team could be overhauled by this time next season and is sure to lose at least one star player by 2010. I see these guys at 29-22 at the break and 44-38 barley beating out the Mavs for the 7th seed and a first round match up with Nawlins.

Los Angeles Lakers
I think Yogi Berra said it best when he famously chimed "It's Dejavu all over again." That could certainly be said about this year's version of the Lakers. Just when Young Drew had gotten his groove back and looked like he was ready to take up the mantle of the next great Laker Big, dude goes down with an injury to his other knee. The good news is that this team is actually deeper than the Lakers of last year with a healthy Trevor Ariza who has been straight up killing teams in limited minutes this season. Lamar should be able to fill the gap at the four for now, even though he just seemed to be embracing this whole six man thing. This injury means that the team will have to adjust it's offense and play more of an uptempo game, which is good news for Jordan Farmar's playing time. Kobe showed us against the Knicks that he can still pick up the scoring load at any time but their biggest concern with the loss of Drew will be their interior defense. Boston beasted on the inside in Finals last year when Drew was down and on Christmas day this year you could tell that he definitely had the goods to be a huge difference maker if the teams were to meet up again in the finals this year. I see this team at 44-10 at the break and finishing the season at 67-15, praying that Andrew's knee will heal quicker than it did last year.

B. Long's (Overdue) Weekly review

He's baaaack!

What it do, fellas? Sorry about the disappearing act the past couple of weeks. My company is going through a merger right now and the office has been similar to a Turkish prison the past couple of weeks. Maybe I should quit my day job just pull a Kobe and charge people for reading my blog. What's fifty dollars times five? Time to give up that allowance money, Moose! LOL. Anyways speaking of my main man Mamba, dude went bonkers last night. Watching Wilson Chandler, who is definitely one of my favorite underrated players in the L, try and guard Kobe last night was just brutal. The sad part was that Kobe wasn't just getting wide open looks at the basket, it was that Wilson actually played pretty damn good defense on a lot of possessions but turns out there isn't much you can do when guy is hitting double pump fade away sideways jumpers over and over. The timing was perfect.

That's right, kids. The guy every one loves to hate and I love to love is gracing the cover of the greatest basketball mag known to man, SLAM magazine. The ironic thing is that the first time I ever got my name in the NOYZ section in SLAM was in the Paul Pierce championship issue and this is the first issue that I know I won't have any work in the mag. But at least Eboy is getting a shout out so I'm sure he's excited about that. Timing...great for Kobe, sucks for E and me. Now on to actual basketball news that people will care about.

As I'm sure everyone already knows, Drew is out for at least two months. Which really really sucks for Laker fans everywhere who were excited about the way he had played recently, especially against Tim Duncan. But, as always in L.A., drama has it's way of poking it's ugly head out when everything seems to be clicking, Kobe nosedives into Young Drew's knee. Now last night was a helluva way to say I'm sorry, but Kobe can't do that on a nightly basis and expect to keep winning at the rate they are currently. I think the Lakers will still hold on to the top spot in the West, but it's gonna be an interesting second half of the season for the purple and gold for sure. Pau and Lamar, it's your time to shine, fellas.

Report Card Time! Part Duece

Deron Williams has way too many absences, Summer School is a must.

Utah Jazz
That's right kids, it's the Northwest Division's turn to try and beat their parents to the mailbox. We start off with the Jazz, who get an "incomplete" at this point in the season, due mostly to Deron starting the first quarter of the season pretty much in fly suits and Carlos Boozer finally making his way back to his home away from home, the chilling list. Paul Millie has got his Mini-Me Mailman on this year and almost made the Jazz front office forget about Betrayal Skull Head Dude's discouraging words about his future with the franchise. What is it with Louisiana Tech products blowing up in Mormon City? AK47 looks to have played his way out of Jerry Sloan's doghouse, Ronnie Brewer has become an impressive energy guy and consistent scoring threat, and Okur and Korver are still having their own personal three point contests at times. Jerry Sloan is even finally giving C.J. Miles some burn as well, which as turned out to be a smart move, as most of the John Deere Gangster's decision's usually are. D-Will will without a doubt be even more motivated to get his name back in that Number One, running the one, convo. So far the this team has been up and down, and understandably so. But with Deron back, the continued improvement of Paul Millie and Brewer, this squad will only get better during the second part of the season and could be on some Miles Davis shit come playoff time. I see these guys at 31 and 24 at the break and finishing the season at 49-33 and sitting in the fifth seed come playoff time.


Oklahoma City Thunder
The newly labeled Tuff Kats, have pleasantly surprised fans as of late, winning 4 out of their last 6 games going into their match up with the Clips tonight. Kevin Durant has continued to flourish and is on the brink of becoming the full fledged superstar that the Sonics where hoping for when they drafted him. KD seemingly soaks up every game, win or loss, milking the experience of every lesson learned that will eventually equip him with the tools to carry a franchise into the playoffs. Jeff Green is becoming less of a sidekick and more of a certified co-star with his balanced bag of scoring weapons and ever improving defense. Russell Westbrook is quickly making what some people called a questionable lottery pick look more like a brilliant one. In my preseason preview I did for my boys over at Hibachi 2.0, I picked the Thunder to finish the season with a slightly improved record this year at 27-55. After their horrendous start I doubted I'd have any bragging rights on that one but given their recent improvement and some impressive wins against teams like the Pistons, I fully expect to look a lot smarter at the end of the season. If the Thunder can get some stability with Scott Brooks being rewarded with a multi year contract at the end of the year, they could be playing more than 82 games Sooner than you think.

Denver Nuggets

I hear this guy flies in any weather...

For as many questions the Chauncey Billups/A.I. trade that it caused for the Pistons franchise, it provided just as many answers for the Nugg Nuts. Chauncey has proved that he still has plenty left in the tank, energized by getting a second(third?) chance to be the hometown hero. Mr. Big Shot has proved to be the exact veteran presence that the Nuggets desperately needed to be able to accurately run George Karl's system. Melo's numbers are down and he has battled injuries this season, but he has also matured drastically and seems to be more comfortable being less of the vocal leader for this young squad. Nene is Brazilian waxing other big men(No Amechi), Kenyon is playing like it's 2002 all over again, and J.R. Smith is even showing a bit of self control lately. The one thing that people really seem to overlook on this squad is that they are deeper than a Mos Def joint with a lineup that boasts playoff hardened vet, Anthony Carter, to young hustla's like Linas Kleivas, Dahntay Jones, and everybody's favorite rehabilitated lunatic, Chris Andersen a.k.a the Birdman. If this squad can get better at it's interior defense and Carmelo can stay healthy, the sky is the limit on what they can accomplish this year. I see this constantly improving squad at 32-20 at the break and sitting at 50-32 at the end of the regular season, in the 4th seed in the West. One thing is for sure, this is NOT the same team the Lakers swept in the first round last year.

Minnesota Timberwolves
It seems like the young guns in the Northwest included "Let's stop sucking this year." on their New Year's resolution list. The Timberwolves started out this year on a winning streak that the Wolves haven't put together since KG was screaming at himself randomly in Minnesota. Al Jefferson isn't built in the exact same mold, but on the rare event that I've caught a Wolves game this season, he's reminding me of Timbot more and more. The footwork, the post moves, and the even the calm business-like demeanor almost sends chills up your spine. If he can keep playing at an all-star level and Randy Foye can make the way he's started 09 a regular deal this team could also be a playoff threat in a couple of seasons. Kevin Love has even proved that he may not have been the worst trade that McHale has ever made. I know people are saying that the West is kinda falling off a bit with the decline of the Suns and the Mavs, but when you look at all the young teams that seem to be starting to put it together it is almost frightening to think of what the conference could look like 2 or 3 years down the road. I see the Timberwolves at 18-35 at the break and 29-53 at the end of the year.

Portland Trailblazers

Dem Franchise Boyz

The same three words come to mind when you think of Meagan Good and the Portland Trailblazers, young, stacked, and talented, but for totally different reasons. Brandon Roy and LaMarcus Aldridge have become one of the best guard/forward combinations in the league. Even though both will probably get shafted in the ASG this season just know that they will be making the guys who are there very uncomfortable inside the Rose Garden for the rest of the year. Steve Blake is still somehow playing well enough to keep his starting gig. Greg Oden is crushing that Sam Bowie bullshit that went on earlier this season and Rudy Fernendez would be a front runner in the ROY race during most seasons besides this ridiculously star studded one. Their bench's talent is only equalled by it's depth. Sergio Rodriguez, Ghostface, Outlaw, Bayless, and Martell Webster make up what is probably the most talented team in the league 1 thru 15. Nate McMillan is very aware of this and is making sure that he gets the most out of his squad with no excuses made for their inexperience. I see the Blazers at 31-19 at the break and ending the season at 47-35 sitting in the sixth seed in the West. If these guys match up with the Spurs in the playoffs, it could be one of the best first round series in the playoffs.