I No Punk Bitch, You Punk Bitch!

Say what you will about his personality and personal life off the court, but when it comes to what goes down on the hardwood no one is harder than Kobe. No one. When dude told Steven A. that he wouldn't be ready to pass the torch until he retires, some people laughed it off. It was viewed as just another egoistical delusion by a guy who has problems admitting his shortcomings. In a lot of people's minds, it wasn't up to Kobe to pass it because LBJ had already snatched that title, and with the way LeBron has played so far this season, who could blame them. But the problem was, Kobe wasn't kidding. No matter how lighthearted of a chuckle Mamba gave in the interview, you better believe he was dead serious. You watched the game, right?

I'm not going to do a full game recap because I'm assuming the real basketball fans that read this blog saw the game, barring a family emergency. So in case you had a death or birth in the fam, just know that although LeBron outscored Kobe by three points the tweleve assists Kobe had and the ridiculously clutch shots that he hit while LeBron was playing his vastly improved defense on him where pretty much the turning points in the game. The game started out with the usual dap given between the two superstars and LeBron was all smiles and jokes during the first few minutes but after Kobe getting to check LeBron for more than half the game like he requested, getting jumper after jumper knocked down in his face, and a couple of hard fouls by the Lakers on King James, dude was much less chatty during the fourth quarter. They held the camera on the two superstars for about thirty straight seconds before an inbound play in the fourth and there was no jokes, no words, no smiles. China seemed like ages ago.


The part of the game that really showed the difference between the two stars of the night actually wasn't a part of the game at all. After the final buzzer the two embraced at half court as is custom for most guys to show respect to their opponents after a hard fought battle when it looked like LeBron asked "What were those fouls about?" probably referring to the hard foul that was given by Bynum in the third quarter. Kobe looked him in the eyes, patted him on the chest and walked away. Cold blooded. Basicly, not only did Kobe outplay the supposedly already newly crowned MVP of 2009(CP3 is the frontrunner right now, IMO), but the Lakers showed the bitch in him on arguably the biggest non-playoff stage LeBron will play on all season.

Make no mistake about it, Kobe and the Lakers were making a statement. The Lakers as a franchise are tired of wearing that "soft" label that they've had hanging over their head since the Finals last year and beating a great defensive team like the Cavs at their own game was just another step for them on their way to redemption. Kobe's message was even more evident. King James can have the title for being the most likeable, marketable, and for having the most rappers in his top five, but Kobe ain't giving up the big chair yet. Not without a fight. So unless LeBron can lead his team to a ring this year, or until Kobe retires, the King will still be without a crown.

Report Card Time!

The Thunder should definitely beat their parents home to the mail box.


So since every website, blog, and miscreant with an opinion will be giving a mid-season report during all-star break I figured I'd beat them to the punch. Could teams change their respective path between now and when Nate Robinson jumps over someone's head for the 400th time? Sure. That's why over the next few days I'll review each division and give an guestimation on their record by that time and where I see each team after the first 82 are over. Let's get it crackin' with the Southwest.

Memphis (not so) Bleak

The Grizz are setting at a less than impressive 11-27 as we speak. So why am I so excited about this squad? PO-TEN-IAL. These Young Bucks aren't as stacked 1 thru 15 as the Blazers are, but what they lack in depth they make up for in a ridiculously talented core of OJ, Rudy Gay, and Marc Gasol. OJ is turning a ROY race that looked like it would be over by Christmas into a photo finish with balanced offensive play and a smooth veteran-like jumper. Rudy Gay is already fulfilling that "upside" that everyone has been associating with his name since he was a freshman at UConn and Marc "The Tank" is making the Grizzlies front office look like they may not have made one of the worst trades in sports history by providing a solid low post scoring threat. Hakim Warrick has also been a nice surprise this season by improving his ball handling and jumpshot to go with an athleticism that Royal Ivey still has bad dreams about. Their biggest question mark is (still) at the point. Conley has been decent, but hasn't really wowed anyone yet or blossomed into the first round pick that the Grizz expected when they drafted him. Kyle Lowry has shown flashes of at least being able to possibly fill the spark off the bench role and they've recently added Steve Francis in a weird draft day diss dejavu twist of fate, but I seriously doubt he was brought here for more than cap fodder. Darius Miles has shown some signs of life recently, Darko has gone hulkimania and not much else, and Darrel Arthur has played very rookyish. I'd put these guys at 17-35 by All-Star break and finishing the season at 36-46 for the year. They'll be well out of the Western Conference playoff picture but they will continue to get better through out the season and will probably be a spoiler threat to teams trying to sneak into that 8th spot over the last two weeks. Overall Marc Ivanaroni has done a solid job. If the Grizz can stabilize the the point guard situation and add some depth to their bench, this team could supplant a rapidly decaying franchise like the Suns, Mavs, and eventually yes, even the Spurs, as playoff regulars for years to come.

Playing Mavericky

"I can't believe Mark traded Devin for your old ass."-Avery Johnson might have said.

Like my man Farmer Jones said one time, I'm the first to admit when I'm right. For those of you who need a quick history lesson, in the SLAMonline Mavs Preview done by yours truly, I predicted this...and I was crucified for it. I said Kidd would still make passes but hardly be able to guard half the starting points in the West. I said Jerry Stackhouse was finished. I said J-Ho had a 50/50 shot of still being a Mav by the break(But to Toronto?). I said Dirk would still put up numbers but he would still be damaged goods and the Mavs would struggle to make the playoffs. So lets see...check, check, check, and double check so far. Jet has still brought it every night just like he did in Atlanta and Brandon Bass has continued to show promise. Gerald Green has shown flashes of the ability he was drafted for during his inconsistent burn. But for a team whose owner has championship expectations Rick Carlise and the Mavs are coming up shorter than J. J. Barea. Ok, Jose has had some great games this year and been a well needed pleasant surprise for a franchise that needed one but if you think that he's the long term answer at the point then you probably have the same basketball I.Q. as Cubes. This squad will be 28-24 at the break and will end the season 43-39 and in the 8th seed in the West, waiting to get swept by the Lakers. The real question is will this be the offseason that Mark Cuban finally swallows his pride and makes the serious roster changes necessary to keep this team from free falling to lottery land for years to come.

Ron Ron bumps Nas, Yao bumps Wu-Tang, neither are big T-Pain fans

"If you don't let us trade you, I'm throwing this bottle at Ron and pointing at you."

Houston hasn't had in house drama like this since Pau Wall and Chamillonaire broke up the Color Changing Click. Like T.I. would say, " What yall know about that?". But on some real sh!t, Houston has a problem. Tracy McInjury has officially dethroned Vince as the biggest man-gina in the family with his "Maybe I'm hurt, maybe I'm not, but I'm not playing defense anyways."bullshit. The only people getting the last laugh in this situation are the other contenders in the league who no longer have to consider the Rockets a legitimate threat. Damn shame too. Ron Artest has been putting up solid numbers, being a great teammate, and basically doing everything that the Rockets could've ever dreamed of when they traded for him. Yao has beasted and stayed healthy for the majority of the season so far. Skip has flourished under Adelman's system. Aaron Brooks is blossoming into a future star. Scola, Landry, and even Von Wafer are all having productive years and they just got Mount Mutombo back. Unfortunately until this T-Pain situation is taken care of, the Rockets will continue to struggle against the top teams in the West and, you heard it here first, they'll be left out of the playoffs. They'll be at 30-22 at the break but unless they somehow ship Tracy out, they'll fade during a tougher second part of the season and finish the season at 41-41 on the outside looking in.

Louisianimal

Chris Paul is already one of the top 5 point guards of all time. Read that again. Let it marinate. First of all, let me say that when it comes down to the CP3 vs. D-Will I've always found myself on the Ryne Nelson side of the group. That being said, due to injury and an unfuckingbelieveable season by Chris the debate has to be shelved (for now). Chris is like a Isiah Thomas/Tiny Archibald hybrid with the athleticism of a pre-knee injury Baron Davis. I could go on all day about this man but lets just say that if Chris doesn't take home the MVP this season then Kobe and the Lakers better end up going 72-10 or LeBron and the Cavs better go undefeated at home. Basically, give the man the trophy. David West has continued to be underrated and hated on and has continued to give cats the business on a nightly basis. James Posey has provided a that veteran champion leadership and confidence that they brought him in for. Their biggest problem this season was one of their biggest strengths last year. Tyson Chandler has regressed. He has gone from avgs. of 12 and 12 to 9 and 8. That is a Star Jones before the lypo like drop off. Especially on a team like Nawlins with a paper thin bench. The Hornets will continue to need otherwordly performances from Paul, Peja to go into SacTown killa mode, and David West to punk dudes like their Dirk in order for them to make a run in the playoffs. They'll be 31-19 at the break and if Tyson can regain some semblance of the player he was last year in the second half of the season they'll surge and end up 54-28 in the second seed in the West.

It's Still an Odd Year, Right?


If Tim Duncan is really not a robot sent from the future to bring havoc on the NBA for decades then he's doing a horrible job convincing me. Timbot is still just as good as the dude was 3 years ago and that is scary as hell. He singlehandedly carried the Spurs on his back while Manu and Tony got healthy and had it not been for his stellar play and unrattled leadership this team would be paying attention to alot more Oklahoma Sooner games. Timmy is still Ice Cold. Manu is starting to get his Argentian swagger back and Tony Parker is playing like he didn't just come back from a nasty ankle injury. I guess going home to Eva every night helps the healing process.
George Hill is starting to show people why the Spurs drafted him so high out of I.U.P.I.Q.W.@.K. or wherever the hell he's from and Roger Mason is a stone cold clutch shot driller right now. If he can continue to contribute offensively and Matt Bonner can continue to do all the little things this team is gonna be hard to out come playoffs. They'll be at 33-19 at the break and they'll finish the season at 52-30 in the 3rd seed in the West. Just because these old fellas need an occasional nap, don't sleep on them come playoff time.

Let's Get it Started

Top ten things I want to see in 2009...



Sorry for the disappearing act on here guys. The last couple of week I've had to do some actual work and raise my kid and some other boring, unbasketball related stuff. Anyways, I got a couple of ideas, hopes, and dreams that I'd like to share that will hopefully make 09 shine.


10. Charles Barkley escapes from rehab, shows up unannounced in white jumpsuit at Inside the NBA set.


9. David Stern takes the All-Star vote away from Chi...uh...the fans.


8. Donnie Walsh and Stephon Marbury settle on a buyout...by having a WWE-style cage match!


7. Danny Ainge gets caught up in life.


6. Darius Miles gets his groove back with the Grizz, drops 20 on the Blazers, flips off Paul Allen.


5. Mark Cuban admits he was wrong, not just about Avery, Dirk, and Devin, but about anything in general.


4. Kenyon Martin keeps randomly shooting threes and dunking on people like it's 2001.

Now this guy can't feel his face!

3. Tim Thomas hits three, starts to do his "can't feel my face" thing with his hand, trips and pokes his eye out.


2. In the middle of Wizards practice, Caron Butler sees Gil typing on his ibook on the bench, proceeds to take ibook from Gil and smash over and over on the scorers' table. Caron returns to practice, no words are said.


1. Mamba gets his pinkie ring.

Too Hot for TNT:Real Text Messages between Dwyane & Chuck

Chuck: Guess who? HAHAHA. Hey, when are we supposed to get that check for the last T-Mobile commercial? It hasn't cleared my bank yet and Vinnie from the Bellagio is sweating me.

Dwyane: Not sure, my agent handles that. My ex is taking half of it anyways.

Chuck:You could always come out to Vegas with me and make it back. All you need is one hot hand in a dice game, baby, and you can turn it all around.

Dwyane: I'll pass. You need help.

Chuck:Your right. I need help with all this fine ass trim in this bar! I've never gotten so many free drinks! Why don't you fly out tonight, yall ain't playing tommorrow anyways. I got some cougars over here.

Dwyane:Can't. Hanging out with Gabby tonite...well, what do they look like?

Chuck: Well, they're no Star Jones, LMFAO, but one of them can suck a golf ball through a garden hose!

Dwyane: ......

Chuck:Man, you need to learn how to take a joke. You were more fun when you were married. Anyway, I'm about to go round the block and let this girl try and get in my Fav Five.

Dwyane: You got a driver?

Chuck: Man, I don't need no Gawd Damn driver! I'm Charles motherfucking Barkley! They love me in Scottsdale! Besides, I drive better while in the pursuit of some downtown lovin' for the little Chuckster. LOL.

Dwyane: Turrible.

Welcome to the First Annual Bradley Awards

The Bradley Awards. An Award widely considered the blogosphere's equivalent to an Oscar, Grammy, or being named XXL's Eye Candy of the Year.

Welcome to the show everyone. Tonight we bring you the most prestigious award show since the MTV Music Awards, the First Annual Bradley Awards, also known as a slight step up from the ESPY's. Tonight we will look back and award those who made an impact on the world in 2008. Let's start with the Music awards.

Musical Newcomer of the Year
We have a tie! The winners are Wale and Kid Cudi! Wale was able to represent D.C. while bringing a reality check back to true hip-hop that it desperately needed. His track"Am I Dreaming?" should be required listening material for any new MC before they record one more inkling of music. He also got mainstream love for "Nike Boots" (Lebron Six's?) and even got a verse from radio play magnet Lil Wayne on the remix. Any MC that can make hot music with Seinfield references throughout it deserves respect. His partner in rhyme on "Is There Any Love?" Kid Cudi took that Kanye/Lupe new age sound to new heights with joints like "Man on the Moon" and "The Prayer". Then he blew the roof off the club with banger "Day N' Night" with remixes from everyone from Jim Jones to Pitbull. Congrats fellas, and please try to avoid the sophomore album slump.

Musician of the Year
Mr. Saturday Night Live himself, Kanye West! Let the haters hate, Ye put it down this year. Bouncing back from the loss of his mother and a broken engagement, Mr. West dropped the school boy persona and created his own genera of music with 808's and Heartbreaks. With little guest appearances but a lot of sampling, not only did he stay on constant radio rotation with hits like "Love Lockdown" and "Heartless" but he put on what has been called one of the greatest live performances by a hip hop artist ever with his Glow In The Dark Tour. Besides we were going to give the award to Nas for "Untitled" but we knew Ye would just come on stage and protest anyways, so this was the easy way out.

Movie of the Year
During a year when we had fantastic performances like Robert Downey in Ironman and Heath Ledger in the Dark Knight no movie made me want to watch it again as soon as I was done the first time as Role Models. Paul Rudd delivered his best performance of his career in a movie that he rewrote the script for. Dropping his hilarious style of dry humor throughout this comedy about a couple of early thirty typical degenerate single guys having to enroll in big brothers program. Stifler is pretty much Stifler. McLovin' and Bobbi J' Thompson diversify with McLovin' playing the role as the fantasy knight in shining nerd and Bobbi dropping more foul mouthed funnies than any 10yr. old should be able to. It didn't get nearly as much pub and hype some of the other blockbusters this year, but if you haven't seen it yet, get to the nearest dollar movie theater quick before you have to wait for the dvd release. It'll be worth your dollar and your time in a shitty theater, promise.

TV Show of the Year
I was a die hard Sopranos fan. You know the type. The one's who've seen every single episode three times and can quote any and all of the lines and tell you exactly what happened to each character and in what season it happened. I was completely fucking furious at the way they ended the series(unless a movie is really in the works!). Then I was watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall and that huge Hawaiian dude said, "Dude your relationship is like the Sopranos. It's over, time to get a new show." Boy was he right. If you haven't seen S.O.A yet imagine the Sopranos as a biker gang but the storylines are better. Yes I said it. Not only do actors like Charlie Hunnam(Green Street Hooligans), Ron Pearlman(Hellboy), and Katey Sagal(Married with Children) kill their specific roles but the action sequences and the suspense are incredible. So enjoy your Bradley Award, S.O.A., and PLEASE get that new season done before next fall.

Fantasy Jumpoff of the Year

Eva Mendez will probably have this award on lock for the rest of the decade. I don't know if it's the constant Ghost Rider reruns on Encore right now but for some reason when the topic of beautiful women comes up(besides wifey of course ;)) I can't get her out of my head. Maybe it's because Jen made this comment the other day while when we saw her on tv. "I'm not a lesbian by any stretch of the imagination, but if I ever had the chance to hook up with Eva Mendez, I'd do it in a heartbeat." Yeah, that's probably it.

Player of the Year

This isn't easy. Giving credit to an athlete who denies your team a return to the promise land never is. But no one deserves this spot more than Kevin Garnett does. This is a man who literally changed the way McDonald All-American's approached their decision making process and revolutionized the power forward position. He stayed loyal to a franchise in a small market through the good and Mchale times until he was finally given the opportunity to truly have a shot at a ring. No one wanted it more, no one was a better leader, and no one deserved a ring more than KG last season. I know considering my fanhood and Kobe winning the MVP trophy last season this is probably a surprise to some, but you gotta give credit where credit is due. Congrats on the Bradley, KG. It will look great next to your MVP and Championship trophies. As for Kobe...there's always next year.

B. Long's Weekly (Laker Heavy) Review

Too all my haters...



Happy Holidays everybody! Hope everyone got what they wanted for Christmas, ate some good home cooking, and drank away any holiday blues (Except you, Moose, your too young). Basketball wise, I couldn't have asked for a better ending to the week. Just like a good hollywood blockbuster, right when fans where on the edge of their seats fearing the worst for their favorite character, the Lakers went into superhero beast mode and righted the ship with wins against the Hornets and the 19 straight win Celtics. Who apparently didn't want the Lakeshow to feel too special about beating them so they went ahead and gave the Warriors a W as well. Luckily the Lakers were able to escape the same fate in Nellieville last night as they had a balanced outing offensively with six players scoring double figures and were a Luke Walton free throw away from making it lucky number seven. Even the Monkey King got a bucket! Bananas for everyone! But the story of the night was D-Fish and the Magical Headband.

Derek Fisher apparently received a headband with mystical powers for Christmas because last night was the first time I've seen him rockin' one in at least half a decade and he was playing like a 24 yr. old again. Dropping a deadly combination of jumpers, floaters, and bank shots D-Fish used the power of the band to go 9 for 12 last night for 19 points and 5 dimes. Some would say that most D-Leaguers could put up these kind of numbers against the Warriors piss poor defense, but after watching them take down the mighty Celtics earlier this week I'm giving all the credit to the band. So what is exactly does the Magical Headband do and where did it come from? My only guess is that it instills an ungodly amount of offensive confidence into any player who wears it. Unfortunately it does not increase that players talent level which would also lead me to believe that this is the same headband that Smush Parker wore during his time in purple and gold. Yes much like the ring was to Smigel, the headband was to Smush. Lets just hope that Kobe doesn't somehow get a hold of this thing, morph into SuperMamba, and drop a Chamberlain on someone.

In other news, Derrick Rose's up and down play has opened the door for O.J. Mayo to make a run at the R.O.Y. hardware. After breaking Magic's rookie record for consecutive 20pt games to start a career, Octovolvine Jenkins is making a strong case in an excellent rookie class for Freshman of the Year. His combination of speed, athleticism, and a killer jump shots are reminding some people of ^ you know who. Now if he can help string together some wins for his crazy young but talented team, he'll more than likely take the lead. If Mr. Rose can stay away from kitchen cutlery, break through that rookie wall, and get back that consistent swagg he had the first month of the season it's gonna be an exciting race down to the finish. There is even still time for Beasley, Oden and Rudy Fernandez to make a run. I didn't even mention Augustine. Go D.J, That's my D.J.!

I Must've Been Good This Year!

Count the Lakers out already? Not quite...


What a difference a couple of convincing wins over quality opponents can make. This past Monday there were several questions surrounding the Lakers after a weekend which saw them lose to Miami and Orlando on back to back nights. Where was the defensive intensity that we saw the first two weeks of the season? Is Phil Jackson really the genius that he is widely considered or does he just use sarcastic and witty comments to mask his inability to keep this team playing inspired basketball on a nightly basis? Could this team really expect to be able to compete with a Celtics squad on a 19 game winning streak?

Well, for one night at least that last question was answered. The Lakers showed up to the Staples Center and decided to bring their defense with them this time. KG was still KG but with Bynum patrolling the paint Rondo wasn't able to get to the rack or create many drive and kicks considering the guards didn't have to help, which limited the Celtics ability to get wide the same wide open jumpers that they had in the Finals last year. Kobe had probably his most balanced performance of the season, punking Ray Allen in the process. Paul Pierce got to experience what a healthy Trevor Ariza can do defensively. The Machine was knocking down jumpers and Pau exercised some of the ghosts from last years Finals with an incredible fourth quarter performance. But even with Pau beasting in the fourth no one impressed me more than Lamar Odom last night.




Looking at just his numbers, you might think that L.O. didn't really do anything special last night. And you'd be wrong. Lamar got his swagger back last night playing with defensive tenacity, hitting some clutch threes, and basically going hard like Hova did in Brooklyn. Lamar played with a chip on his shoulder, matching the Celtics physical style of play with his own combination of thrown shoulders and elbows, putting KG on his ass after a couple of cheap shots on his teammates. He set the tone for the second unit and sent a message to Boston early on that this is NOT the same Laker team they played last year. If L.O. and Pau can play at this level during playoff time and Bynum can focus primarily on defending the paint and rebounding this team is gonna be scary good. Congrats to Phil on the 1000 wins, now lets see if he can get this team to win 16 in May and June.