Do It Big

Quick, name the best era of NBA big men ever. Late eighties-early nineties? Gotta be, right? You had Kareem padding his scoring record while playing for championships. Patrick Ewing was trying to live up to the title of the Savior of Madison Square Garden. Hakeem and Ralph had earned the Twin Towers nickname before it brought up tragic memories. Bill Walton was getting his Smigel on in Boston way before Sam Cassell did and doing a helluva lot better job of it. You also had Texas's favorite Seaman David Robinson starting his hall of fame career. Not to mention Bill Laimbeer was trying to either block out or knock out every name on this list night in and night out. Then in 91 Mount Mutumbo entered the league and immediately had an impact avg. 16.6 pts 12.3 and almost 3 blocks a night. Yes you read that stat line right. The year after that the Orlando Magic would select Shaquille O'Neal with the first overall pick in the draft which would later prove to be the beginning of the end of an era.



After receiving several first hand lessons on how to be the most dominant big man in the L from Hakeem, Shaq became such an intimidating force that young big men around the country didn't even want to be centers. You see, around the same time of Shaq's emergence there was an almost seven foot tall kid coming straight out of high school named Kevin Garnett and he was a power forward. After his first couple of seasons in the L, Da Kid had made the such an impact and had became so popular that he had future bigs all over the world asking the same question. Why the hell would I want to play center when I could play the four and get to dribble and shoot jumpers instead of being stuck in the paint having to try and guard Shaq and get basketball goals pulled down on my head? KG revolutionized it and power forward became the sexy position. For a good ten years seven footers around the globe were practicing their 18 foot jumpers and crossovers instead of 5 foot hooks and dream shakes. This brought forth a whole generation of players from J.O. to Dirk to the Darkos of the world. Even Tim Duncan was more of a hybrid than a true four or five. It seemed that the only players who were even playing center in the L besides Shaq, were the Todd Maculloghs, Greg Ostertags, and Collins Twins of the world who just weren't quick enough or didn't have the skill set to play this new breed of the four spot.

Earlier this decade we thought we had a potential center savior in Eddy Curry, a big man who not only wanted to be a center but seemed to relish the idea of coming into the league straight from high school as the challenger to Shaq's colossal throne. Unfortunately Eddy didn't share the same appetite for low post destruction that the Big Aristotle had. Turns out that's the only thing Eddy didn't have an appetite for. Then finally in 2002, China finally blessed us with a potential competitor for the crown in Yao Ming. Yao struggled out the gate, but soon found his stride, becoming a global icon and establishing himself as the only other dominate center the league had had outside of the Big Diesel for at least the last seven years and in the process making Charles kiss The Jet's ass. Then in 2004, with the first pick in the draft, Orlando exorcised the ghost of Shaq Fu with the selection of Dwight Howard.

Yao was official, but Dwight brought sexy back to the five spot. With his charismatic personality and ridiculous athletic ability, Howard has become a centerpiece of a franchise for years to come. Think about this in 2001. Did anyone ever envision a legendary Dunk Contest victory by one of the NBA's best centers in this era? Crazy. Then came Young Drew who came immediately from high school to a seat next to Brain Shaw on the Laker bench. Then, on a Christmas day game that was supposed to be all about the Shaq vs. Kobe rivalry, Phil threw Drew into the lions den. Mountain Drew stole the show by getting up off the floor after being crushed by a diesel dunk and putting a spin move and flush of his own on the Big Aristotle and then elbowing Shaq in one of the most dangerous decisions in NBA history. Luckily he wasn't decapitated and after a few seasons of coming back from a knee injury, adding about 20 pounds of beef, and getting tutored by Kareem, Andrew looks ready to carry the title as the next great Laker center. Now this brings us to the NBA's most intriguing enigma, Greg Oden. Greg was an absolute monster in high school and during his year at Ohio State he brought back visions of Bill Russell while pretty much only having the use of his left hand. Now if he can ever stay healthy he has the potential to become the type of defensive presence that could turn his franchise into a contender.

For the first time in over a decade it seems that the big man is back, and for the NBA that's a good thing. Looking at the names listed above, not to mention the emergence of Al Jefferson in Minny, Joakim Noah's continued development, Marc Gasol's upside in Memphis, and maybe even Chris Kaman's Hulk Hogan looking ass, it looks like their will be plenty of healthy low post battles on a nightly basis for years to come. Even the man who was originally the poster boy for the new aged sevenfooter, KG, has seemed to have converted more to the true center position. Timbot, Cambyman, and even the Big Cactus are still banging too. It's not the golden age, but with this new generation of centers the torch is officially being passed.

The Meeting

Kobe walks into W.B.B.L Image Consultants Inc. accompanied by his agent, Rob Pelinka, and a secret service type security team of seven large men.

B. Long

Kobe. My man! How the girls been?(Security Team approaches B. Pats him down. Kobe gives dap.)

Kobe

What's good B. Been awhile. The girls are good. I see Jen's keeping ya well feed. How's Caden?

B. Long

He's growing like a weed, man and you know how those Spanish girls are with the cooking.

Kobe

Not really, Vanessa isn't exactly Rachel Ray. (we both laugh, Rob approaches.)

Rob

Alright, every thing's clear here. You guys can wait outside. (herds security team out door) Brad. (says with slight irritation in voice)

Brad

Rob. (awkward handshake follows) Have a seat fellas. So Kob, I know I left a message with your assistant on the phone after Beijing but congrats on the gold medal. Defending your ass on Slamonline was a full time job until those last few games. I knew you'd kill it when it mattered most though. I take it that made the Finals a little easier to get over?

Kobe

Yeah, I read slamonline every now and then. Tell E that 4 point play was for him and I didn't get that message. (gives Rob a look) but yeah, you know how I feel about it. Winning the gold medal was even more important to me than...(B. Interrupts)

B.Long

Kob! Come on man. This is your boy your talking to. I'm your Image consultant for Christ sakes! Save that shit for Craig Sager or somebody. This is the one place where it is safe to say whatever the hell you want and not be scrutinized for it. Take advantage of that.

Kobe

Sorry B. Your right. My bad. Winning the gold was nice but the pressure was crazy considering that if we had lost it would've destroyed any shot of me going down as the g.o.a.t. My shot was off the first couple of games but I still got mine and came through for the team in the clutch like al...well most of the time... but knowing that you have to win an international title just to maintain your status takes a little bit of the fun out of it. But I couldn't deal with a nickname like Lebronze, I just couldn't. It was cool to get to play with him , D-Wade, and Deron though. Damn, I wish Deron hadn't signed that extension with the Jazz. Who the hell wants to STAY in Utah?

Rob

It was great international exposure for Kobe as well. The people in China actually treated him a million times better than in the U.S. You wouldn't believe how many hyperdunks we sold. We should talk to Nike about restructuring your contract. Your getting screwed.

B. Long

O.K. so the first thing I like to do at these meetings is go over our main objective and set individual benchmarks that we can reach to help you get there. Are we still focused on the same thing we were last year?

Kobe

You know it. I gotta go down as the greatest of all time. I've worked too hard to get this far not to hold the crown. I know I'll never get the love off the court that M.J. did. That's my fault. I've excepted that. Fuck love. I want just want the acknowledgment. The respect.

B. Long

Look, I see where your coming from. I do. But you came here today because you know I'm the only guy who will be totally honest with you so let me do my job. They've seen you avg. 40 for a month. They' ve seen you posterize the best center in the game. I was there when you dropped 63 in 3 quarters against Dallas and it was like a religious experience. Then you go and drop 81. That's some legendary shit right there. But there are lots of players that are legendary. David Thompson is legendary. The Ice Man is legendary. So is Pistol. We've gotta make you immortal. Rings are immortal. And you gotta win 3 more. 4 and you'll hold that undisputed title.

Kobe

But I already told the public, I'm tired of being compared to Mike. I wish everyone would jus...(Interrupted by B.)

B. Long

What? Drop it? How can they? You changed your Lakers number to 24. Coincidence? OK, maybe. Then your Team USA number was 10. What was Mike's again? You can sell that bullshit somewhere else. You may get tired of the comparisons but it's not because you don't feel like your not in the same class as Jordan. It's because you feel like in your heart of hearts that your better and your scared to death of failing your own expectations. I'm gonna be real with you, the majority of fans will never see you as the best without more Shaqless rings. But here's the good news. You got at least 3 more years in your prime and you'll be playing on the most talented team pound for pound you ever have your entire career. You still have time to prove to everyone what you know in your heart is the truth.

(Kobe sits back in his chair, hand on chin. He's taken back by what he has heard as if no one is usually this honest with him)

Rob(obviously pissed)

Kobe doesn't have anything to prove to anybody. He's already the greatest. Bill Russell has 11 rings but his name never comes up in the discussion anymore. Your just like the rest of these assholes who place unrealistic goals on Kobe or don't think he' s hard enough to hold the crown because he had money coming up. People in America will never appreciate Kobe for what he is.
That's why I'm already looking into other options for him. (Turns to Kobe. Pulls stack of legal documents out of Versace briefcase.) Screw America, The owners at Olympickos are ready to offer you a 3 year, 83 million dollar deal. The deal includes all taxes paid for by the team, a 15 million dollar Mansion fully staffed with 20 servants, full scholarships for the girls to the best schools in Europe,they'll pass a city ordnance against mentioning the state of Colorado, a new Bentley each year, and...SMACK!(B. Long stands up, open hand pimp slaps Rob out of his chair to the ground)

Kobe

HOLY SHIT!

Brad(sits back down, straightens tie calmly)

Listen Kobe, what Rob is purposing is exactly what your critics want you to do. They want you to take your ball and go overseas...because that would justify them. All of the "Kobe's too selfish to lead"s and "he alright but he ain't shit compared to M.J."s and the "tell me how my ass tastes" become not just opinions but facts. They'll paint you as a coward. Sure Rob will write up a press release and try to spin it like you miss living overseas and you want your kids to enjoy other cultures and have the same opportunities as you did and as true as some of it may be, in the eyes of American basketball fans you'll be labeled a quitter. People will say that you had the opportunity to be the greatest but you just didn't have that competitive drive that M.J. did. Which we both know is bullshit but if you leave at this point of your career, and as amazing as a career as it has been, that's the legacy you'll leave in the States. A legacy of unfulfilled expectations. That's not you.

Kobe (a blend of frustration and excitement builds on his face)

Hell naw.

Brad

You'll go overseas and avg. 40 against good but not great competition easily. That's not you. Lebron, D-Wade, and CP3 will battle for NBA supremacy back in the states while you'll be the basketball David Beckham, an international icon loved by people who've only really heard of your legend but never seen it in person and you'll make crazy amounts of money in endorsements even for you, but that's not you. If you go overseas not only will it let down your personal fans but sports fans in America in general. During a time when we see our countries jobs out sourced daily and our economy at it's worst, to see the greatest basketball player in the world leave as well to chase Euros would crush souls. You'll let everyone who has ever openly criticized you win. Reggie wins, Curt Schilling wins, Eboy wins, Skip Bayless wins ...........Shaq wins. Is that how you wanna go out?

Kobe(Completely amped)

FUCK NO!

B. Long(His voice getting louder as he speaks)

Because the Kobe I know doesn't just settle for dominating weak competition. He wants to take it right at the best motherfuckers out there, leaving no doubts about who the coldest player on the court is. The Kobe I know sometimes calls himself the Mamba and mambas don't run away from an animal that poses a threat, they're the only snakes that chase those bitches down and kill 'em. The Kobe I know loves the U.S., he put on for us this summer, and would never leave us during a period of time when we need him most. That's the Kobe I know.

(Rob wakes up, slowly attempts to pull himself up onto his chair)

Kobe

That's because that's who I am. No fucking critics can change me. And there's no way in hell I'm going to Europe. I got to much jewelry to collect stateside man.

Rob

But Kobe...the exchange rate...BAM!(B. punches him in the jaw putting him back in a state of unconsciousness)

Kobe
I'm fucking hyped, B. This is exactly what I needed. LeBron can have all that first billionaire athlete and global icon shit. I gotta do me. I gotta put some more trophies in the case, homie. I really appreciate this.

B. Long

Any time, Kob. Any time. You guys gonna stay overnight? We'd love to have you over for dinner.

Kobe

Naw. Vanessa don't like me staying out of town with out her too much since 04. You know how it is. Maybe next time.

B. Long

Gotcha.

Kobe
(Opens conference room door, calls to security team)

Hey Jake, yall come get Rob. Brad knocked him out again. So what do I owe ya, B?

B. Long (starts to walk Kobe and security team to door)

Just a new banner in the Staples Center next year. If you can do that then we're straight.

Kobe(gives dap again.)

For sure, man. For sure.

B. Long

Have a good flight and tell Sasha I said to get a fucking haircut!

Kobe (Walking out door)

I will. Take care man. See you midseason.

B. Long

Later Kob.

Kobe (pauses as if he forgot something)

Hey B, when your on slamonline, do you ever talk to Ryan Jones?

B. Long

Yeah, I chat with Farmer Jones every now and then, Why?

Kobe

Is he still pissed at me?

B. Long

How does that old saying go? A woman scorned...?

Kobe

(Laughs) Right.

You Down with OKC? Yeah, You Know Me!

This was a preview that was originally done for my homies, Hursty, DP, and Sarah Palin's favorite blogger, Moose over at Hibachi 2.0. Just getting my DJ Drama on and dropping a Leak to get ya fiending. "Where Basketball B Longs " the new shit drops Oct. 17th!

Goodbye, Nirvana. Hello, Toby Keith. With their team being taken away like a bullet from Kurt Cobain it would be unjust not to pay tribute to the city of Seattle and all the TRUE Sonic fans there. You know who you are. To all the people bitching about them leaving but hadn't bought tickets since the Glove was alleying Reignman's oop, It' s like I tell my friends about Dubya. If you didn't vote you don't get to bitch. From a fan's p.o.v. it's hard not to want to junk punch Clay Bennett but from a businessman's p.o.v. the move makes a lot of sense. Its a community who's avg. income is steadily rising and with the Hornets spending time there the market has already been tested. It's still terribly saddening to think that possibly the greatest defensive point guard of all time will never see his jersey raised into the stands in front of the home crowd not to mention Shawn never really getting his proper send off either. Damn shame. But I digress, this is the beginning of a new era.

The Thunder leave behind the birthplace of starbucks and a city with a higher suicide rate than a radical Muslim extremist group and arrive in a rapidly changing area where the amount of luxury spec homes being built is only rivaled by the number of meth addicts scurrying around local truck stops. It's a strange mixture of trailer parks and gated communities. Of uppity GQ readers and Guns and Ammo good ol' boys. They arrive in a city that is looking for a team that they can form their own identity with. Judging by their ticket sells so far, this maybe exactly what OKC has been looking for.

Now lets get down to basketball. At head coach we have every players best friend, P.J. Carlesimo. P.J. possibly gets a worse rap than deserved due to that whole 'player choking the shit out of him' thing and had to have picked up some idea of how to build a winning team during his time assisting Pops with the Spurs. We'll give him a mulligan for last years record because of the immense distractions due to the relocation buisness. It would have been hard for last years team to have performed better anyways considering their youth and inexperience in an absolutely brutal Western Conference. But be assured though that in an extremely competitive environment like Oklahoma(Just look at the pressure put on their college programs) that if Coach Carlesimo doesn't show improvement over the next couple of seasons and get this team at least competing for a playoff spot by year three he'll be driven out of town with shotguns and torches.

Playing the superstar in-the-making role we have none other than Kevin Durant, making his unexpected return to Big Twelve country. K.D. had a solid rookie season last year. He struggled a little during the first half but really seemed to find his groove during the last part of the season averaging 23 points from March until the end of the year. Although I'm sure P.J. would've liked Kevin to add a few more pounds to his Kiera Knightley-like frame (even though he does look slightly bigger this season) considering every little bit will help him carry the burden of double teams almost nightly. Expect a early twenties Tracy McGrady-like season from KD this year.

On a surprise draft move, The Thunder selected Russell Westbrook with their first pick. While Russell is extremely athletic and has tons of upside he comes out of UCLA very raw and maybe not quite as NBA ready as some of the other guards that he was drafted ahead of. The good news for him is that this team does plenty of veterans who will surely be able to help speed up the maturation process in Earl Watson and Damien Wilkins as well as new additions Joe Smith, and Desmond Mason.

Earl, also a product of UCLA, will more than likely start over Russell initially and provide a knowledgeable brain for him to pick through out the season. Joe Smith is another seen-it-all who will play a good 25 min. a night of decent defense, rebounding, and a mid range jumper every now and then. Desmond Mason will look to establish himself again after coming back from injuries and coaches deciding that providing one nasty dunk a week doesn't warrant starters minutes. Damien Wilkins will also compete for mins. with his erratic play. For a guy with his skill set you'd expect him to have avg. more than 11 points a game last year.

The wild cards on this team will be Jeff Green, Chris Wilcox, and Robert Swift. Jeff Green flew way under the radar last season. While KD was getting all the attention, Jeff was putting together a more than decent rookie campaign with averages of 10.5 pts. and 4.7 rebs. in less than 30 mins. a night. If the last game of the season when he dropped 27 and 10 on the Warriors is any indication he looks like he's ready to have an even bigger impact this season. Robert Swift was drafted 12th overall in 2004 and looked like he was on the verge of becoming a factor on this team last year before his season was ended yet again with another injury. With P.J. already questioning Robert's toughness in training camp this year it's already looking like Robert has a long way to go on his mission to prove that all ginger kids aren't fragile creatures who should stay away from contact sports. Chris Wilcox is probably the wildest wild card of all. After avg. career highs 14 and 7 last year if he can somehow stretch those numbers to 18 and 10 he could possible get that huge contract he so desperately covets next summer. Lets just hope its not all just the 'Eric Dampier' effect, for OKC's sake.

Any contributions from Nick (I was only good at Kansas) Collison, rookie D.J. White, or the endless herd of project centers that Seattle has acquired over the last few years will be gravy. The good news for this team is that they're definitely more experienced and more talented than they were last year. The bad news is that they didn't move far enough east to change conferences. My fearless prediction for this team would put their record at 27-55, a slight improvement over last years 22-60 record. My predictions for this franchise's future in OKC is much more optimistic. K.D.'s combination of uncanny natural scoring ability on the court and that 'aw shucks' humbleness off it will be sure to keep butts in the seats and sell plenty of those hideous Thunder jerseys for years to come. R.I.P. Slick Watts. Time to let the Thunder roll.

Mass Exodus

What up fellow Slamheads and basketball brethren. Due to popular demand I've decided to bless the masses (OK 5 people) with my own site to display my genius at work. This is an article that was posted by my brothers from another test tube over at SKO. Pretty busy at work right now so this is just the preview. For all you hip hop heads think of this story as a Da Drought Mixtapes before the Carter III dropped. So save up your allowance because "Where Basketball B Longs" hits stores on Friday!

“Brandon Jennings is doing something unpopular for the betterment of the masses, and I believe Congress will pay attention to this and see the foolishness of the ‘one-and-done’ rule. This will start a chain of events that will lead to the rule’s demise. This year and next, others will follow Brandon Jennings’ decision.”-Sonny Vaccaro-advisor, sneaker pimp, prophet?

For real? One skinny, gumby, and stunna shade rocking kid's decision will supposedly influence others to follow hundreds of thousands of dollars(millions now that he got his U.A. shoe deal) overseas instead of taking classes most of them won't care about, surviving on cafeteria food, and basically being pimped by the NCAA? You better believe it. Now I know what your thinking right now. Your replaying every Dick Vitale, Bobby Knight, and Coach K interview you've ever heard about all the glorious benefits of a college education and how nothing can compare to the college 'experience'. (Cough)bullshit(Cough). Anyways, I'm not here to point out the ridiculous hypocrisy that is the NCAA system,(Ryan Jones has already done a good job of that) I'm here with a warning to fans of college basketball. You better start petitioning Mr. Stern and Mr. Brand or get ready for the darkest days that the college basketball has seen in a long time.

NOW STARTING FOR PANATHINAIKOS ATHENS, LANCE STEPHENSON! Or Renardo Sydney, maybe Xaiver Henry, then Tristan Thompson. Yes sir, its coming. Whether we as American fans are ready for it or not a mass exodus is approaching. Unless the one and done rule is abolished and Myles Brand decides it's time for Obama-like change in the NCAA within the year expect to see a couple more All-Americans taking the extended senior trip to Europe next year and then even more the one after that. Now your probably saying to yourself that the only way this happens is if Brandon Jennings dominates overseas, cements his draft status and ends up being the number one pick, right? Wrong.

Let's jump in the DeLorean with Doc Brown real quick and gun it back to 1995. A tall and athletic as hell but Amy Winehouse skinny kid by the name of Kevin Garnett was causing quite a raucous with his decision to forgo college ball and head directly to the NBA. Most experts were saying no, no, no. Several were writing him off as a selfish punk who couldn't make the grades and claiming that there was no way that a prep school kid could make the jump directly to the pros and ever be successful. It just wasn't gonna happen. Initially even the Slam staff was (more than) skeptical.

A season later a decent rookie campaign of 10 and 6 and an All-Rookie second team selection was enough to convince another rail thin big man with an already NBA ready last name to test the draft waters. That same year some cocky Italian speaking guard from the Philly suburbs named after raw meat decided to buck the system. The next year a sleepy eyed super athletic swingman decided to throw his name in the lottery. And so it began.

You'd be hard pressed to find one NBA scout or anyone with a lick of basketball sense who has seen Brandon play that would tell you that he isn't at least talented enough right now to have same impact on an NBA lottery team that KG did as a rookie. We are talking about a player who many experts have labeled a young, taller, and more athletic version of A.I. I'm the last person who likes to put undo pressure on a kid by making comparisons to all time greats, but from the McDonald's game and practice footage I've seen with Vitrus Roma it's hard to argue. Now what do you think he's gonna do during the Euroleague season?

Don't get it twisted. I'm not saying that he's just gonna come out and crush the comp overseas. In fact I'll be very surprised if Brandon doesn't have some growing pains learning the lingo and banging in a much more physical professional game. Hopefully he's spending most his off-season with a chica named Rosetta Stone or in the weight room. What I'm saying that if he is just successful enough in Europe not to hurt his draft status next year and make bank at the same time, more are sure to follow.

We are living in a very socioeconomically conscious society especially in the realm of sports. Prep stars who once pondered which school would have the best student section and flyest honeys are now consulting with advisers like Sonny about what environment they should choose to best market themselves to the world. I like to call this the 'King James' effect. Everyone wants to emulate the most popular player in the game and the young guns of today are definitely trying to crib LeBron's buisness sense. Given the zero's in the mans bank account I can't say that I blame them.

Whether David Stern wants to admit it or not, Brandon is changing the game. In fact, there is a small part of me that says this is what the Commish had planned all along. He heard the rumors about Lebron, Bill Walker, and O.J. hoping the pond for a year. He had to have known that with if he enforced a one and done rule it was only a matter of time. What a better way to further globalize the NBA than to send it's future stars overseas for a year and build a strong fan base for that particular player in that part of the world without the NBA ever having to spend a dime. Kids in Rome maybe rocking Brandon Jennings NBA jerseys for the rest of his career, similar to the way a lot fans in Texas will always root for Kevin Durant after his stint at UT.

You've gotta hand it to Stern, Myles Brand never saw this one coming. Or maybe he too was looking for a way to avoid more O.J. Mayo type fiascos. Who knows? What we do know is that the world of prep stars and their decision making process has changed forever. You know what, screw Full Court. Does ESPN have a Euroleague package?