Welcome to the First Annual Bradley Awards

The Bradley Awards. An Award widely considered the blogosphere's equivalent to an Oscar, Grammy, or being named XXL's Eye Candy of the Year.

Welcome to the show everyone. Tonight we bring you the most prestigious award show since the MTV Music Awards, the First Annual Bradley Awards, also known as a slight step up from the ESPY's. Tonight we will look back and award those who made an impact on the world in 2008. Let's start with the Music awards.

Musical Newcomer of the Year
We have a tie! The winners are Wale and Kid Cudi! Wale was able to represent D.C. while bringing a reality check back to true hip-hop that it desperately needed. His track"Am I Dreaming?" should be required listening material for any new MC before they record one more inkling of music. He also got mainstream love for "Nike Boots" (Lebron Six's?) and even got a verse from radio play magnet Lil Wayne on the remix. Any MC that can make hot music with Seinfield references throughout it deserves respect. His partner in rhyme on "Is There Any Love?" Kid Cudi took that Kanye/Lupe new age sound to new heights with joints like "Man on the Moon" and "The Prayer". Then he blew the roof off the club with banger "Day N' Night" with remixes from everyone from Jim Jones to Pitbull. Congrats fellas, and please try to avoid the sophomore album slump.

Musician of the Year
Mr. Saturday Night Live himself, Kanye West! Let the haters hate, Ye put it down this year. Bouncing back from the loss of his mother and a broken engagement, Mr. West dropped the school boy persona and created his own genera of music with 808's and Heartbreaks. With little guest appearances but a lot of sampling, not only did he stay on constant radio rotation with hits like "Love Lockdown" and "Heartless" but he put on what has been called one of the greatest live performances by a hip hop artist ever with his Glow In The Dark Tour. Besides we were going to give the award to Nas for "Untitled" but we knew Ye would just come on stage and protest anyways, so this was the easy way out.

Movie of the Year
During a year when we had fantastic performances like Robert Downey in Ironman and Heath Ledger in the Dark Knight no movie made me want to watch it again as soon as I was done the first time as Role Models. Paul Rudd delivered his best performance of his career in a movie that he rewrote the script for. Dropping his hilarious style of dry humor throughout this comedy about a couple of early thirty typical degenerate single guys having to enroll in big brothers program. Stifler is pretty much Stifler. McLovin' and Bobbi J' Thompson diversify with McLovin' playing the role as the fantasy knight in shining nerd and Bobbi dropping more foul mouthed funnies than any 10yr. old should be able to. It didn't get nearly as much pub and hype some of the other blockbusters this year, but if you haven't seen it yet, get to the nearest dollar movie theater quick before you have to wait for the dvd release. It'll be worth your dollar and your time in a shitty theater, promise.

TV Show of the Year
I was a die hard Sopranos fan. You know the type. The one's who've seen every single episode three times and can quote any and all of the lines and tell you exactly what happened to each character and in what season it happened. I was completely fucking furious at the way they ended the series(unless a movie is really in the works!). Then I was watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall and that huge Hawaiian dude said, "Dude your relationship is like the Sopranos. It's over, time to get a new show." Boy was he right. If you haven't seen S.O.A yet imagine the Sopranos as a biker gang but the storylines are better. Yes I said it. Not only do actors like Charlie Hunnam(Green Street Hooligans), Ron Pearlman(Hellboy), and Katey Sagal(Married with Children) kill their specific roles but the action sequences and the suspense are incredible. So enjoy your Bradley Award, S.O.A., and PLEASE get that new season done before next fall.

Fantasy Jumpoff of the Year

Eva Mendez will probably have this award on lock for the rest of the decade. I don't know if it's the constant Ghost Rider reruns on Encore right now but for some reason when the topic of beautiful women comes up(besides wifey of course ;)) I can't get her out of my head. Maybe it's because Jen made this comment the other day while when we saw her on tv. "I'm not a lesbian by any stretch of the imagination, but if I ever had the chance to hook up with Eva Mendez, I'd do it in a heartbeat." Yeah, that's probably it.

Player of the Year

This isn't easy. Giving credit to an athlete who denies your team a return to the promise land never is. But no one deserves this spot more than Kevin Garnett does. This is a man who literally changed the way McDonald All-American's approached their decision making process and revolutionized the power forward position. He stayed loyal to a franchise in a small market through the good and Mchale times until he was finally given the opportunity to truly have a shot at a ring. No one wanted it more, no one was a better leader, and no one deserved a ring more than KG last season. I know considering my fanhood and Kobe winning the MVP trophy last season this is probably a surprise to some, but you gotta give credit where credit is due. Congrats on the Bradley, KG. It will look great next to your MVP and Championship trophies. As for Kobe...there's always next year.

B. Long's Weekly (Laker Heavy) Review

Too all my haters...



Happy Holidays everybody! Hope everyone got what they wanted for Christmas, ate some good home cooking, and drank away any holiday blues (Except you, Moose, your too young). Basketball wise, I couldn't have asked for a better ending to the week. Just like a good hollywood blockbuster, right when fans where on the edge of their seats fearing the worst for their favorite character, the Lakers went into superhero beast mode and righted the ship with wins against the Hornets and the 19 straight win Celtics. Who apparently didn't want the Lakeshow to feel too special about beating them so they went ahead and gave the Warriors a W as well. Luckily the Lakers were able to escape the same fate in Nellieville last night as they had a balanced outing offensively with six players scoring double figures and were a Luke Walton free throw away from making it lucky number seven. Even the Monkey King got a bucket! Bananas for everyone! But the story of the night was D-Fish and the Magical Headband.

Derek Fisher apparently received a headband with mystical powers for Christmas because last night was the first time I've seen him rockin' one in at least half a decade and he was playing like a 24 yr. old again. Dropping a deadly combination of jumpers, floaters, and bank shots D-Fish used the power of the band to go 9 for 12 last night for 19 points and 5 dimes. Some would say that most D-Leaguers could put up these kind of numbers against the Warriors piss poor defense, but after watching them take down the mighty Celtics earlier this week I'm giving all the credit to the band. So what is exactly does the Magical Headband do and where did it come from? My only guess is that it instills an ungodly amount of offensive confidence into any player who wears it. Unfortunately it does not increase that players talent level which would also lead me to believe that this is the same headband that Smush Parker wore during his time in purple and gold. Yes much like the ring was to Smigel, the headband was to Smush. Lets just hope that Kobe doesn't somehow get a hold of this thing, morph into SuperMamba, and drop a Chamberlain on someone.

In other news, Derrick Rose's up and down play has opened the door for O.J. Mayo to make a run at the R.O.Y. hardware. After breaking Magic's rookie record for consecutive 20pt games to start a career, Octovolvine Jenkins is making a strong case in an excellent rookie class for Freshman of the Year. His combination of speed, athleticism, and a killer jump shots are reminding some people of ^ you know who. Now if he can help string together some wins for his crazy young but talented team, he'll more than likely take the lead. If Mr. Rose can stay away from kitchen cutlery, break through that rookie wall, and get back that consistent swagg he had the first month of the season it's gonna be an exciting race down to the finish. There is even still time for Beasley, Oden and Rudy Fernandez to make a run. I didn't even mention Augustine. Go D.J, That's my D.J.!

I Must've Been Good This Year!

Count the Lakers out already? Not quite...


What a difference a couple of convincing wins over quality opponents can make. This past Monday there were several questions surrounding the Lakers after a weekend which saw them lose to Miami and Orlando on back to back nights. Where was the defensive intensity that we saw the first two weeks of the season? Is Phil Jackson really the genius that he is widely considered or does he just use sarcastic and witty comments to mask his inability to keep this team playing inspired basketball on a nightly basis? Could this team really expect to be able to compete with a Celtics squad on a 19 game winning streak?

Well, for one night at least that last question was answered. The Lakers showed up to the Staples Center and decided to bring their defense with them this time. KG was still KG but with Bynum patrolling the paint Rondo wasn't able to get to the rack or create many drive and kicks considering the guards didn't have to help, which limited the Celtics ability to get wide the same wide open jumpers that they had in the Finals last year. Kobe had probably his most balanced performance of the season, punking Ray Allen in the process. Paul Pierce got to experience what a healthy Trevor Ariza can do defensively. The Machine was knocking down jumpers and Pau exercised some of the ghosts from last years Finals with an incredible fourth quarter performance. But even with Pau beasting in the fourth no one impressed me more than Lamar Odom last night.




Looking at just his numbers, you might think that L.O. didn't really do anything special last night. And you'd be wrong. Lamar got his swagger back last night playing with defensive tenacity, hitting some clutch threes, and basically going hard like Hova did in Brooklyn. Lamar played with a chip on his shoulder, matching the Celtics physical style of play with his own combination of thrown shoulders and elbows, putting KG on his ass after a couple of cheap shots on his teammates. He set the tone for the second unit and sent a message to Boston early on that this is NOT the same Laker team they played last year. If L.O. and Pau can play at this level during playoff time and Bynum can focus primarily on defending the paint and rebounding this team is gonna be scary good. Congrats to Phil on the 1000 wins, now lets see if he can get this team to win 16 in May and June.

B. Long's Weekly (sobs) Review

It can't get worse than this, can it?

Well if you don't know by now my two favorite sports franchises shit the bed this weekend. The Lakers are playing defense like that drunk girl in the bar who wants you to take her home but keeps telling you over and over "but I'm a gooood girl." All you have to do is keep the ball in play and eventually your going to score. I won't bore you basketball fans with the details of the Cowboys utter failures this weekend other than to say it was the most disappointing non-playoff loss I've ever experienced as a sports fan in my life. If they don't beat the Eagles this week I'm making the three hour trip to Dallas and punching Jerry Jones in his cosmetically enhanced face and kicking Tony Romo in the fleshy patch where his nutsack used to be, you know, before his encounter with Miss Chicken or Tuna.


Then to top the weekend off the Lakers laid another egg in Orlando the next night. Kobe tried to revert back to 2006 Kobe but the Mamba's strike was a little rusty. Maybe we just need the Mamba personality back permanently for awhile? Or maybe Phil Jackson could call a play that requires them to get the ball in the post to Bynum when he's playing against Miami's D-League caliber centers? All I'm sure of is that if there is a bright side to this slump it's that it is happening in December instead of April. Hopefully we can still right the ship and get that chemistry back that we had the first week of the season. But as we struggle against Memphis while I'm typing this it's getting harder and harder to have faith that this team can beat the Celtics in a seven game series. We'll see what happens tonight and against Nawlins tomorrow. I still haven't given up hope about our chances Christmas day..... not yet.

So the only real glimmer of happiness I had this weekend was Devin Harris's total emasculation of the Dallas Mavericks franchise. Avery Johnson was cracking my shit up with those comments about the Harris/Kidd trade. Bill Walton would say something like "That wasn't a very smart trade you guys made, Avery."totally being sarcastic. Avery responds "Why do you think I'm not coaching there. I was the one who didn't want to trade Devin!". Basically, tell me how your trade tastes, Mark Cuban. Devin the Dude is an absolute killer this year. After Deron and Chris, I'm not sure there is another point guard I'd rather have on my squad. In other Eastern Conf. news Kevin Garnett is still crazy, Rondo is still getting better,the Celtics are still in repeat mode, and Moose is still as giddy as a Boston school girl(J/K little homie).

So for the Long Residence, last week was one that we can't forget soon enough. The good news is this week starts fresh with opportunities for all of our favorite franchises to redeem themselves. Kobe takes on CP3 and that guy that crawls around on the floor and the Cowboys still somehow hold the keys to their own playoff destiny. The only problem is that those keys open a door to a Philly crowd that maybe the worst possible environment that Dallas could ask for right now. This is the crowd that threw snowballs at Santa. What do you think they're gonna do when T.O. walks into a snow filled stadium? It should be an entertaining week to say the least. Win and your in, baby.

B. Long's Weekly Review

The Top Pick Showdown!(sort of...maybe?)

Given the fact that a Ricky Rubio article was the first thing I ever wrote that got published at Slam and my Brandon Jennings article was the first thing ever posted on this blog it would be an unforgivable injustice not to cover their first epic battle against each other across the pond. From what I can gather from the incredible on site game notes of none other than Lang Whitaker at SLAM(yes, they got it like that), It sounds like both guys held their own against each other. Ricky dropped dimes and made clutch defensive plays while being limited offensively with a hand injury while Brandon dropped jaws, 12 points, and an unverifiable number of assists due to the fact that apparently the Euroleague officials aren't so great at keeping up with that sort of thing. All in all, a great showing by both guys. Brandon convinced Lang that he belongs in the lottery discussion (no small feat) and Rubio's squad gets the W. It seems that with the Olympics over and the shock of Brandon heading to Rome instead of Tucson dying down so has the hype over these guys draft status.

Late this summer, the buzz about these guys was crazy and deservedly so. Ricky had just justified the 17yr. old Spanish Pistol talk by holding his own against the Redeemed Team. Brandon was a recently crowned High School player of the year who turned his back on Lute Olson at Point Guard U and decided instead to study abroad in Italy. Both guys are incredibly entertaining to watch and both guys are doing things in places like no one else before them. So what happened to all that number one spot in 09 talk? Well, there are questions about Ricky's ability to apply for the draft due to the age limit and how that effects players overseas as well as his contract that would have to be bought out. The other reason is two words: Blake Griffin.

Seen above doing chin-ups on the rim with the assistance of last years second overall pick, Michael Beasley, Blake Griffin is a flat out basketball monstrosity. With a nasty inside game, reliable jumper from 17 ft., and ridamndiculous athletic ability, Blake has snatched the number one spot with the same viciousness that he yanks down boards with. Cub Buenning compared him to a young Karl Malone and after watching his Sooners dismantle USC, I think he hit the nail right on the head. Ty Lawson is also going to garner some serious consideration by teams desperate for a point guard in the lottery next year as well with his Usain Bolt like speed and an assist to turnover ratio that makes NBA scouts go from six to midnight. If he is able to lead a stacked Heels squad to the promise land, he could definitely end up being taken ahead of both Rubio (if he declares) and Jennings.

So basically what happened to the Jennings/Rubio hype is that the college cream of the crop has risen to the top. Brandon is getting great experince in an enviroment that will ultimately prepare him for the stresses that come with being an NBA lottery pick in ways that PAC-10 competiton never could have. Rubio is busy slowly and cautiously (as a future lottery pick should) nursing his injuries back to health . He'll continue to marinate in Spain until he decides to bring his bag of offensive tricks and great defense to David Stern's neck of the woods. Here's hoping that no matter what his draft ranking is, that he comes over sooner than later. Now on to the NBA.

Dear Kobe,

I want you to look at the picture above. Think back to 04. Try not to focus on the off the court drama and remember just how damn talented that team was. Four future H.O.Fers, the Super Lakers. Now I want you to remember crying your ass off after you got waxed in the Finals by the Pistons. That sucked didn't it? SO WHY THE HELL ARE YOU LETTING YOUR GUYS GET AWAY WITH PLAYING PISS POOR DEFENSE!?!? You guys started out great on the defensive end this year. The first ten games where beautiful, then all the sudden you guys started playing all Mavericky and just tried to out score people. WTF? That didn't work in 04, it didn't work last year, and it damn sure isn't going to work this year. The Celtics are better this year. I repeat, the Celtics are BETTER this year. Don't ask me how a team that loses James Posey and doesn't bring anyone of real importance in gets better, but they did. Maybe it's just the maturation of Rondo, Powe, and Perkins but this team is absolutely terrifying and LeBron has the Cavs not far behind. Maybe you need to take a page out of KG's book and yell, scream, get on all fours and bark like a dog...I DON'T CARE BUT DO SOMETHING! This team cannot keep playing the way it has the last two weeks and expect to win a championship. I know it, you know it, and Paul Pierce knows it. Now get this shit straight and lets get back to stuff like this.

Sincerely,

A Concerned Laker Fan

B. Long's Weekly Review

In this new weekly column, I will reflect on all things basketball and pretty much anything else I damn well please. It's a celebration bitches, enjoy yourselves!


In the historic first posting of B. Long's Weekly Review, I decided to reflect on more than this last week, but on this entire ground breaking fall. I was watching some old Chappelle Show DVDs last weekend and it made me realize how much I miss Dave's genius. Could you imagine the skits he could've put out over the shit that has gone down over the past few years, not to mention election season? Damn, the laughs we could've had. But watching those skits also made me realize how far we've grown as a nation. Just as recent as a few years back Dave Chappelle, a man who made racial comedy and conversation socially acceptable to a lot of America and had a bigger impact on our generation's acceptance of each other than he'll ever get credit for, did several politically charged skits like Black Bush(One of the all time greats) and What if the President was Black during Armageddon. You could almost be certain from the vibe of the skits Dave would've never imagined we'd be putting a black man in the White House in 2008, much less during his lifetime and I think that would go for most of America. I guess the old saying "Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger." is true because after what most of America has had to go through the past eight years during the reign of Dubya, we seem to have finally put our petty differences aside and decided to do what's best for our country. Not because of race but because of what was right. That being said, now the real work begins.

Just like the Bulls have put the hope of their franchise's future into a uber-talented Windy City hometown kid with little experience but limitless potential our nation also puts its fate into the hands of a Chicago native with little time spent in the Senate but who has the passion and vision to inspire an entire generation. It would be about as unrealistic to expect for our nations most important issues to be solved during our President Elect's first year in office as it would to expect the Bulls to bring home lucky number seven this season. They may not even be solved during his first term in office, but be patient and open minded. Derrick Rose is doing a better job than almost anyone expected this early in his career( Hey Jukai, how does my prediction taste?) and judging from the work he is putting into putting the right people around him in the White House I don't expect anything less from President Obama's efforts in Washington. As the homies at SLAM would say, Derrick Rose is Barrack Obama, Barrack Obama is Derrick Rose. Change has officially arrived.


Now that the political stuff is out of the way, lets get down to basketball. The Celtics are picking up where they left off last year with only a couple of hiccups here and there, they look like the same dominate force that stormed through the regular season in the East last year although we'll probably have to wait until the playoffs get started to see how much the loss of James Posey is really going to cost them. That being said, I really like the work that Tony Allen has been putting in for them. His interviews with the SLAM crew during the Finals last year were legendary. I would say I expected a little more from Big Baby at this point but I don't want to hurt his feelings. Leon Powe is still a beast off the bench and Scalabrine could still pull this costume off better than this guy can.




The Cavs have finally decided that if they want a shot in hell at keeping the King in their castle they better start competing for championships pronto and so far they seem like real contenders. Mo Williams is the legit number two scorer that the Cavs have been missing and Delonte West, Wally Sexyback, and even Big Ben seem to have stepped their game up so far this season. If they can keep this up heading into the playoffs expect the Cavs to knock off at least one of the beasts of the East, Detroit or Boston, on their way to the ECFs. Speaking of Mo-Town I can't figure out what to make of this A.I. led Pistons team. They definitely got better offensively and they're one of the only squads who has been able to down the Lakers this year but they've also lost to the Knicks and Bobcats. Chauncey has been tearing it up in Denver but I'm gonna withhold judgment on who got the better of this trade until the All-Star break, which is also when we should go ahead and award Derrick Rose his R.O.Y. trophy. Unless O.J. can somehow drag the Grizz into the playoff picture(imfuckinpossible) it wouldn't be premature.



In the Western Conference all I can really do is get my Dennis Green on and say they are who I thought they were. The Lakers are shooting for that 72 win Chicago Bull record(ask Randy Brown). Phoenix, Dallas, and the Spurs have all regressed. The Spurs more due to injury than anything else and it will be interesting to see if they have enough left in the tank to turn around this season now that everyone is healthy again. The Nuggets look like their finally gonna make the jump from first round annual shit-ons to a second or third seed in the West. CP3 is balling but not getting much help in Nawlins...yes, I'm talking to you Tyson Chandler. Houston still seems to be the injury house of horrors that it has been through out the past few years but if they can get healthy before the break they'll have a shot at possibly breaking that TMac first round drought this year. Besides the Iverson for Chauncey trade and a couple of scuffles here and there, it has been a relatively quite beginning to the season. Keep an eye on the Hawks now that Smoove is healthy and watch my dark horse team ,the Nets, squeak into to the playoffs just like I predicted. What do you think Cubes regrets the most, his horrible reality show, Mama.com, or the J-Kidd for Devin Harris trade?

Thank you Jesus, Jerry Jones....and Mark Cuban?

My love affair with all things Texas has always hit rocky territory when it came to the subject of where my basketball loyalties lie. Though I will always pull for my fellow native Texans to succeed in the league like, Grandmama, LaMarcus Aldridge, David Wesley, Gerald Green, Chris Bosh, S-Jax, Boobie Gibson, T.J. Ford and Daniel Ewing(both of whom I got to play against in AAU ball, we got torched), and too many others to mention I've always pledged my allegiance to the Lakeshow. My earliest NBA memories are sitting in my Grandfathers lap and watching Magic Johnson playing with a charisma and flash that made me fall in love with the game. My Grandpa would always tell me "Brad, I've seen alot of basketball but I've never seen nothin' like Magic".

Still basketball was always treated like a second class sport in my home state. Not only am I from Texas, I'm from the part where football is considered religion. West Texas. That Friday Night Lights shit(the movie, not the homo ass series) is real life here. I had a Boobie Miles Permian jersey when I was in grade school. He was the next Bo Jackson to me. Going to a high school football game in Texas is really not something that you can describe, it can only be experienced. That being said, lucky for me I had people around me who always had a eye open to the basketball world.

In 1982, the year of my birth, a 5' 5" point guard by way of Dallas, Texas would lead the local Juco team, Midland College to the national title four years and a couple seasons at North Carolina State later he would shock the world with a slam dunk title. I would hear legendary stories of his Midland College days throughout my childhood from my Gramps. Then in 88, when I was 6, I got my first chance to see a basketball legend first hand while sitting on the shoulders of Grandpa Bill. Larry Johnson, Grandmama in the flesh, blessed the cross town team, Odessa College, with his presence and posterized the competition on his way to a scholarship with Tarks Runnin Rebels and then to stardom with those absolutely nasty Hornets squads. This connection eventual launched my addiction to SLAM magazine with LJ gracing the cover of the premier issue. Wish I would've kept up with that issue when I was 12. I think my crazy evangelistic stepmom burned it with my comic book collection but that's another story for my therapist.

Right before LJ's goldtoothed assault on the league, the man who made me fall in love with the game, Magic was diagnosed with H.I.V. I remember hearing our P.E. teacher at the time talking to a teacher's aide about it and how he was probably gonna die. Then I remember going home and asking my grandmother what H.I.V. was. She was shocked to hear this question coming from a 9 year old and did the best she could to explain something she didn't even really understand. I spent the rest of the day crying in my room looking at my trading cards. Then later that week while I was wearing my worn out Lakers #32 jersey a kid said told me his dad said Magic Johnson was gonna die because he got the "faggot" disease for being gay. That was the first time I would have to go to the principals office, but damn that black eye was worth it. That next All-Star game would always hold a special place in my heart because of what it meant for my favorite player and the way the classy players in the league (Fuck you Karl Malone!) treated him. It wasn't the official end of Magic's career given his first botched comeback attempt and then his 36yr. old power forward playing season but much like M.J. fans think of that last Bulls shot as the real ending of his career, I will always feel the same way about that game and Magic. Ever since then the all-star game has always brought back very heart felt memories for me and is a weekend that is strictly dedicated to basketball in the Long residence

Now this brings me to what seems like a personal gift from the Big Guy. The 2010 All-Star Game, is not only being played in my favorite city on Earth, Big D, where I spent my most of my incoherent early twenties, but it will be played in what will be the greatest sporting complex since the Roman Colosseum. If you haven't seen the new Cowboys stadium hit up www.dallascowboys.com and take a peak. Jerry Jones said it best when he exclaimed "They should've never given someone who loves football as much as I do this much power". Well Jerry, I for one am glad they did. Mark Cuban deserves a huge thank you for this too.

He could've easily been selfish and held it in his own arena but due to his creative and opportunistic thinking, not only will my favorite football team be hosting the event, but more people will be able to see the game live than any basketball game ever. I'm not always Cubes biggest supporter(far from it) but admist his Mavs struggling due to some questionable decision making in the front office and the Mama.com drama this is one of the best things Mark has done in a long time. I'm sure money has a lot to do with the situation but anything that gives more people a chance to see the game they love live to me is a good thing. You can be sure I'll be there, with my son, Caden, sitting in my lap. He may be to young to remember it first hand, but just like my Grandpa Bill did with me, I'll make sure he never forgets.

Put On

I told myself I wouldn't do this on a basketball blog but these are desperate times. If one person reads this and goes and votes or gets Mom, Dad, Grandma, or their Auntie to, it was worth it. These pictures can probably say more than anything I could ever type.

The worst natural disaster in U.S. history. Homes destroyed, children and elderly left to die, thousands dead. Keep your head up, Nawlins. Where was John McCain?

Chilling with his big homie the day after Katrina hit , celebrating his 69th birthday. Where's a Kanye live interview when you need one?

Chris Rock said it best:"How the fuck did we invade a country that is rich in oil, but gas goes up? I don't know about yall, but if I invade Kentucky Fried Chicken, wings are gonna be cheap at my house!"

Chad Metcalf was a dear friend who I went to school with from Kindergarten until graduation. He was the life of the party, always made you laugh, and was proud to serve his country as a Marine. He passed away April 3, 2003 while serving during Operation Iraq Freedom. Miss you Chad, I know your looking down on us. Thank you for your sacrifice. We will never forget.

There is so much more to say but not enough time to say it. If you don't know the policies hit up barackobama.com and obamaforchange.com. You know what to do.

Do It Big

Quick, name the best era of NBA big men ever. Late eighties-early nineties? Gotta be, right? You had Kareem padding his scoring record while playing for championships. Patrick Ewing was trying to live up to the title of the Savior of Madison Square Garden. Hakeem and Ralph had earned the Twin Towers nickname before it brought up tragic memories. Bill Walton was getting his Smigel on in Boston way before Sam Cassell did and doing a helluva lot better job of it. You also had Texas's favorite Seaman David Robinson starting his hall of fame career. Not to mention Bill Laimbeer was trying to either block out or knock out every name on this list night in and night out. Then in 91 Mount Mutumbo entered the league and immediately had an impact avg. 16.6 pts 12.3 and almost 3 blocks a night. Yes you read that stat line right. The year after that the Orlando Magic would select Shaquille O'Neal with the first overall pick in the draft which would later prove to be the beginning of the end of an era.



After receiving several first hand lessons on how to be the most dominant big man in the L from Hakeem, Shaq became such an intimidating force that young big men around the country didn't even want to be centers. You see, around the same time of Shaq's emergence there was an almost seven foot tall kid coming straight out of high school named Kevin Garnett and he was a power forward. After his first couple of seasons in the L, Da Kid had made the such an impact and had became so popular that he had future bigs all over the world asking the same question. Why the hell would I want to play center when I could play the four and get to dribble and shoot jumpers instead of being stuck in the paint having to try and guard Shaq and get basketball goals pulled down on my head? KG revolutionized it and power forward became the sexy position. For a good ten years seven footers around the globe were practicing their 18 foot jumpers and crossovers instead of 5 foot hooks and dream shakes. This brought forth a whole generation of players from J.O. to Dirk to the Darkos of the world. Even Tim Duncan was more of a hybrid than a true four or five. It seemed that the only players who were even playing center in the L besides Shaq, were the Todd Maculloghs, Greg Ostertags, and Collins Twins of the world who just weren't quick enough or didn't have the skill set to play this new breed of the four spot.

Earlier this decade we thought we had a potential center savior in Eddy Curry, a big man who not only wanted to be a center but seemed to relish the idea of coming into the league straight from high school as the challenger to Shaq's colossal throne. Unfortunately Eddy didn't share the same appetite for low post destruction that the Big Aristotle had. Turns out that's the only thing Eddy didn't have an appetite for. Then finally in 2002, China finally blessed us with a potential competitor for the crown in Yao Ming. Yao struggled out the gate, but soon found his stride, becoming a global icon and establishing himself as the only other dominate center the league had had outside of the Big Diesel for at least the last seven years and in the process making Charles kiss The Jet's ass. Then in 2004, with the first pick in the draft, Orlando exorcised the ghost of Shaq Fu with the selection of Dwight Howard.

Yao was official, but Dwight brought sexy back to the five spot. With his charismatic personality and ridiculous athletic ability, Howard has become a centerpiece of a franchise for years to come. Think about this in 2001. Did anyone ever envision a legendary Dunk Contest victory by one of the NBA's best centers in this era? Crazy. Then came Young Drew who came immediately from high school to a seat next to Brain Shaw on the Laker bench. Then, on a Christmas day game that was supposed to be all about the Shaq vs. Kobe rivalry, Phil threw Drew into the lions den. Mountain Drew stole the show by getting up off the floor after being crushed by a diesel dunk and putting a spin move and flush of his own on the Big Aristotle and then elbowing Shaq in one of the most dangerous decisions in NBA history. Luckily he wasn't decapitated and after a few seasons of coming back from a knee injury, adding about 20 pounds of beef, and getting tutored by Kareem, Andrew looks ready to carry the title as the next great Laker center. Now this brings us to the NBA's most intriguing enigma, Greg Oden. Greg was an absolute monster in high school and during his year at Ohio State he brought back visions of Bill Russell while pretty much only having the use of his left hand. Now if he can ever stay healthy he has the potential to become the type of defensive presence that could turn his franchise into a contender.

For the first time in over a decade it seems that the big man is back, and for the NBA that's a good thing. Looking at the names listed above, not to mention the emergence of Al Jefferson in Minny, Joakim Noah's continued development, Marc Gasol's upside in Memphis, and maybe even Chris Kaman's Hulk Hogan looking ass, it looks like their will be plenty of healthy low post battles on a nightly basis for years to come. Even the man who was originally the poster boy for the new aged sevenfooter, KG, has seemed to have converted more to the true center position. Timbot, Cambyman, and even the Big Cactus are still banging too. It's not the golden age, but with this new generation of centers the torch is officially being passed.

The Meeting

Kobe walks into W.B.B.L Image Consultants Inc. accompanied by his agent, Rob Pelinka, and a secret service type security team of seven large men.

B. Long

Kobe. My man! How the girls been?(Security Team approaches B. Pats him down. Kobe gives dap.)

Kobe

What's good B. Been awhile. The girls are good. I see Jen's keeping ya well feed. How's Caden?

B. Long

He's growing like a weed, man and you know how those Spanish girls are with the cooking.

Kobe

Not really, Vanessa isn't exactly Rachel Ray. (we both laugh, Rob approaches.)

Rob

Alright, every thing's clear here. You guys can wait outside. (herds security team out door) Brad. (says with slight irritation in voice)

Brad

Rob. (awkward handshake follows) Have a seat fellas. So Kob, I know I left a message with your assistant on the phone after Beijing but congrats on the gold medal. Defending your ass on Slamonline was a full time job until those last few games. I knew you'd kill it when it mattered most though. I take it that made the Finals a little easier to get over?

Kobe

Yeah, I read slamonline every now and then. Tell E that 4 point play was for him and I didn't get that message. (gives Rob a look) but yeah, you know how I feel about it. Winning the gold medal was even more important to me than...(B. Interrupts)

B.Long

Kob! Come on man. This is your boy your talking to. I'm your Image consultant for Christ sakes! Save that shit for Craig Sager or somebody. This is the one place where it is safe to say whatever the hell you want and not be scrutinized for it. Take advantage of that.

Kobe

Sorry B. Your right. My bad. Winning the gold was nice but the pressure was crazy considering that if we had lost it would've destroyed any shot of me going down as the g.o.a.t. My shot was off the first couple of games but I still got mine and came through for the team in the clutch like al...well most of the time... but knowing that you have to win an international title just to maintain your status takes a little bit of the fun out of it. But I couldn't deal with a nickname like Lebronze, I just couldn't. It was cool to get to play with him , D-Wade, and Deron though. Damn, I wish Deron hadn't signed that extension with the Jazz. Who the hell wants to STAY in Utah?

Rob

It was great international exposure for Kobe as well. The people in China actually treated him a million times better than in the U.S. You wouldn't believe how many hyperdunks we sold. We should talk to Nike about restructuring your contract. Your getting screwed.

B. Long

O.K. so the first thing I like to do at these meetings is go over our main objective and set individual benchmarks that we can reach to help you get there. Are we still focused on the same thing we were last year?

Kobe

You know it. I gotta go down as the greatest of all time. I've worked too hard to get this far not to hold the crown. I know I'll never get the love off the court that M.J. did. That's my fault. I've excepted that. Fuck love. I want just want the acknowledgment. The respect.

B. Long

Look, I see where your coming from. I do. But you came here today because you know I'm the only guy who will be totally honest with you so let me do my job. They've seen you avg. 40 for a month. They' ve seen you posterize the best center in the game. I was there when you dropped 63 in 3 quarters against Dallas and it was like a religious experience. Then you go and drop 81. That's some legendary shit right there. But there are lots of players that are legendary. David Thompson is legendary. The Ice Man is legendary. So is Pistol. We've gotta make you immortal. Rings are immortal. And you gotta win 3 more. 4 and you'll hold that undisputed title.

Kobe

But I already told the public, I'm tired of being compared to Mike. I wish everyone would jus...(Interrupted by B.)

B. Long

What? Drop it? How can they? You changed your Lakers number to 24. Coincidence? OK, maybe. Then your Team USA number was 10. What was Mike's again? You can sell that bullshit somewhere else. You may get tired of the comparisons but it's not because you don't feel like your not in the same class as Jordan. It's because you feel like in your heart of hearts that your better and your scared to death of failing your own expectations. I'm gonna be real with you, the majority of fans will never see you as the best without more Shaqless rings. But here's the good news. You got at least 3 more years in your prime and you'll be playing on the most talented team pound for pound you ever have your entire career. You still have time to prove to everyone what you know in your heart is the truth.

(Kobe sits back in his chair, hand on chin. He's taken back by what he has heard as if no one is usually this honest with him)

Rob(obviously pissed)

Kobe doesn't have anything to prove to anybody. He's already the greatest. Bill Russell has 11 rings but his name never comes up in the discussion anymore. Your just like the rest of these assholes who place unrealistic goals on Kobe or don't think he' s hard enough to hold the crown because he had money coming up. People in America will never appreciate Kobe for what he is.
That's why I'm already looking into other options for him. (Turns to Kobe. Pulls stack of legal documents out of Versace briefcase.) Screw America, The owners at Olympickos are ready to offer you a 3 year, 83 million dollar deal. The deal includes all taxes paid for by the team, a 15 million dollar Mansion fully staffed with 20 servants, full scholarships for the girls to the best schools in Europe,they'll pass a city ordnance against mentioning the state of Colorado, a new Bentley each year, and...SMACK!(B. Long stands up, open hand pimp slaps Rob out of his chair to the ground)

Kobe

HOLY SHIT!

Brad(sits back down, straightens tie calmly)

Listen Kobe, what Rob is purposing is exactly what your critics want you to do. They want you to take your ball and go overseas...because that would justify them. All of the "Kobe's too selfish to lead"s and "he alright but he ain't shit compared to M.J."s and the "tell me how my ass tastes" become not just opinions but facts. They'll paint you as a coward. Sure Rob will write up a press release and try to spin it like you miss living overseas and you want your kids to enjoy other cultures and have the same opportunities as you did and as true as some of it may be, in the eyes of American basketball fans you'll be labeled a quitter. People will say that you had the opportunity to be the greatest but you just didn't have that competitive drive that M.J. did. Which we both know is bullshit but if you leave at this point of your career, and as amazing as a career as it has been, that's the legacy you'll leave in the States. A legacy of unfulfilled expectations. That's not you.

Kobe (a blend of frustration and excitement builds on his face)

Hell naw.

Brad

You'll go overseas and avg. 40 against good but not great competition easily. That's not you. Lebron, D-Wade, and CP3 will battle for NBA supremacy back in the states while you'll be the basketball David Beckham, an international icon loved by people who've only really heard of your legend but never seen it in person and you'll make crazy amounts of money in endorsements even for you, but that's not you. If you go overseas not only will it let down your personal fans but sports fans in America in general. During a time when we see our countries jobs out sourced daily and our economy at it's worst, to see the greatest basketball player in the world leave as well to chase Euros would crush souls. You'll let everyone who has ever openly criticized you win. Reggie wins, Curt Schilling wins, Eboy wins, Skip Bayless wins ...........Shaq wins. Is that how you wanna go out?

Kobe(Completely amped)

FUCK NO!

B. Long(His voice getting louder as he speaks)

Because the Kobe I know doesn't just settle for dominating weak competition. He wants to take it right at the best motherfuckers out there, leaving no doubts about who the coldest player on the court is. The Kobe I know sometimes calls himself the Mamba and mambas don't run away from an animal that poses a threat, they're the only snakes that chase those bitches down and kill 'em. The Kobe I know loves the U.S., he put on for us this summer, and would never leave us during a period of time when we need him most. That's the Kobe I know.

(Rob wakes up, slowly attempts to pull himself up onto his chair)

Kobe

That's because that's who I am. No fucking critics can change me. And there's no way in hell I'm going to Europe. I got to much jewelry to collect stateside man.

Rob

But Kobe...the exchange rate...BAM!(B. punches him in the jaw putting him back in a state of unconsciousness)

Kobe
I'm fucking hyped, B. This is exactly what I needed. LeBron can have all that first billionaire athlete and global icon shit. I gotta do me. I gotta put some more trophies in the case, homie. I really appreciate this.

B. Long

Any time, Kob. Any time. You guys gonna stay overnight? We'd love to have you over for dinner.

Kobe

Naw. Vanessa don't like me staying out of town with out her too much since 04. You know how it is. Maybe next time.

B. Long

Gotcha.

Kobe
(Opens conference room door, calls to security team)

Hey Jake, yall come get Rob. Brad knocked him out again. So what do I owe ya, B?

B. Long (starts to walk Kobe and security team to door)

Just a new banner in the Staples Center next year. If you can do that then we're straight.

Kobe(gives dap again.)

For sure, man. For sure.

B. Long

Have a good flight and tell Sasha I said to get a fucking haircut!

Kobe (Walking out door)

I will. Take care man. See you midseason.

B. Long

Later Kob.

Kobe (pauses as if he forgot something)

Hey B, when your on slamonline, do you ever talk to Ryan Jones?

B. Long

Yeah, I chat with Farmer Jones every now and then, Why?

Kobe

Is he still pissed at me?

B. Long

How does that old saying go? A woman scorned...?

Kobe

(Laughs) Right.

You Down with OKC? Yeah, You Know Me!

This was a preview that was originally done for my homies, Hursty, DP, and Sarah Palin's favorite blogger, Moose over at Hibachi 2.0. Just getting my DJ Drama on and dropping a Leak to get ya fiending. "Where Basketball B Longs " the new shit drops Oct. 17th!

Goodbye, Nirvana. Hello, Toby Keith. With their team being taken away like a bullet from Kurt Cobain it would be unjust not to pay tribute to the city of Seattle and all the TRUE Sonic fans there. You know who you are. To all the people bitching about them leaving but hadn't bought tickets since the Glove was alleying Reignman's oop, It' s like I tell my friends about Dubya. If you didn't vote you don't get to bitch. From a fan's p.o.v. it's hard not to want to junk punch Clay Bennett but from a businessman's p.o.v. the move makes a lot of sense. Its a community who's avg. income is steadily rising and with the Hornets spending time there the market has already been tested. It's still terribly saddening to think that possibly the greatest defensive point guard of all time will never see his jersey raised into the stands in front of the home crowd not to mention Shawn never really getting his proper send off either. Damn shame. But I digress, this is the beginning of a new era.

The Thunder leave behind the birthplace of starbucks and a city with a higher suicide rate than a radical Muslim extremist group and arrive in a rapidly changing area where the amount of luxury spec homes being built is only rivaled by the number of meth addicts scurrying around local truck stops. It's a strange mixture of trailer parks and gated communities. Of uppity GQ readers and Guns and Ammo good ol' boys. They arrive in a city that is looking for a team that they can form their own identity with. Judging by their ticket sells so far, this maybe exactly what OKC has been looking for.

Now lets get down to basketball. At head coach we have every players best friend, P.J. Carlesimo. P.J. possibly gets a worse rap than deserved due to that whole 'player choking the shit out of him' thing and had to have picked up some idea of how to build a winning team during his time assisting Pops with the Spurs. We'll give him a mulligan for last years record because of the immense distractions due to the relocation buisness. It would have been hard for last years team to have performed better anyways considering their youth and inexperience in an absolutely brutal Western Conference. But be assured though that in an extremely competitive environment like Oklahoma(Just look at the pressure put on their college programs) that if Coach Carlesimo doesn't show improvement over the next couple of seasons and get this team at least competing for a playoff spot by year three he'll be driven out of town with shotguns and torches.

Playing the superstar in-the-making role we have none other than Kevin Durant, making his unexpected return to Big Twelve country. K.D. had a solid rookie season last year. He struggled a little during the first half but really seemed to find his groove during the last part of the season averaging 23 points from March until the end of the year. Although I'm sure P.J. would've liked Kevin to add a few more pounds to his Kiera Knightley-like frame (even though he does look slightly bigger this season) considering every little bit will help him carry the burden of double teams almost nightly. Expect a early twenties Tracy McGrady-like season from KD this year.

On a surprise draft move, The Thunder selected Russell Westbrook with their first pick. While Russell is extremely athletic and has tons of upside he comes out of UCLA very raw and maybe not quite as NBA ready as some of the other guards that he was drafted ahead of. The good news for him is that this team does plenty of veterans who will surely be able to help speed up the maturation process in Earl Watson and Damien Wilkins as well as new additions Joe Smith, and Desmond Mason.

Earl, also a product of UCLA, will more than likely start over Russell initially and provide a knowledgeable brain for him to pick through out the season. Joe Smith is another seen-it-all who will play a good 25 min. a night of decent defense, rebounding, and a mid range jumper every now and then. Desmond Mason will look to establish himself again after coming back from injuries and coaches deciding that providing one nasty dunk a week doesn't warrant starters minutes. Damien Wilkins will also compete for mins. with his erratic play. For a guy with his skill set you'd expect him to have avg. more than 11 points a game last year.

The wild cards on this team will be Jeff Green, Chris Wilcox, and Robert Swift. Jeff Green flew way under the radar last season. While KD was getting all the attention, Jeff was putting together a more than decent rookie campaign with averages of 10.5 pts. and 4.7 rebs. in less than 30 mins. a night. If the last game of the season when he dropped 27 and 10 on the Warriors is any indication he looks like he's ready to have an even bigger impact this season. Robert Swift was drafted 12th overall in 2004 and looked like he was on the verge of becoming a factor on this team last year before his season was ended yet again with another injury. With P.J. already questioning Robert's toughness in training camp this year it's already looking like Robert has a long way to go on his mission to prove that all ginger kids aren't fragile creatures who should stay away from contact sports. Chris Wilcox is probably the wildest wild card of all. After avg. career highs 14 and 7 last year if he can somehow stretch those numbers to 18 and 10 he could possible get that huge contract he so desperately covets next summer. Lets just hope its not all just the 'Eric Dampier' effect, for OKC's sake.

Any contributions from Nick (I was only good at Kansas) Collison, rookie D.J. White, or the endless herd of project centers that Seattle has acquired over the last few years will be gravy. The good news for this team is that they're definitely more experienced and more talented than they were last year. The bad news is that they didn't move far enough east to change conferences. My fearless prediction for this team would put their record at 27-55, a slight improvement over last years 22-60 record. My predictions for this franchise's future in OKC is much more optimistic. K.D.'s combination of uncanny natural scoring ability on the court and that 'aw shucks' humbleness off it will be sure to keep butts in the seats and sell plenty of those hideous Thunder jerseys for years to come. R.I.P. Slick Watts. Time to let the Thunder roll.