Report Card Time! Vol. III

The Clippers and Kings should go half on a Tudor. Pacific Division's turn.
Los Angeles Clippers
It's funny because it's true. Well at least that whole embarrassing the NBA since 1970 is. Damn. This was supposed to be the season too. The Rebirth. The prodigal son returns. They also added Cambyman and Eric Gordon to a squad that already had the ever improving Al Thornton and Hulkamaniac Chris Kaman. Sure Elton left, but no one expected this. An opening night ass whooping by the big boys across the gym had to be a brutal wake up call for B-Diddy and the Fam. So what went wrong? Well...Elton left. Now Elton isn't sitting in a much better situation in Philly, but the void he left in Clipperland and the way he played with Coach Dunleavy's emotions definitely had a negative impact on this team that is still lingering. The main problem on the court is that this team has no bench. Name two players on the Clipshow bench without nba.com. Exactly. They have no bench, no chemistry, and Baron apparently isn't the savior that all three Clipper fans had been praying for. Don't get me wrong, I love Baron's game, but what I don't love is his constant headbutting with his coach and the way he seems to care more about his production company than the job that gave him the ability to have a production company in the first place. Like I said in the NOYZ section of SLAM, Baron signed with the only franchise that gives him a better chance at winning an Academy Award than a NBA related one. They'll be lucky to break 25 wins this year and the future doesn't look much better. The more things change...


SACRAMENTO KINGS

"We gotta be throwed to cheer for these assclowns"

What can you say about the Sacramento Kings that wasn't already said about the Bush Administration's last few months in the White House. They don't give a fuck how horrible of a job they're doing because they're getting the hell out of town anyways. Vegas here we come. Kevin Martin has been pretty much the only bright spot on a team that struggles for an identity that it will never find without the support of the Maloof Brothers, which they won't get until they suck bad enough to keep every loyal Sacramento King fan out of the gym and Stern gives the O.K. to head to Sin City. This fiasco has been brutally obvious since the decline of C-Webb and the All-Star game on the strip a couple of years back. The Maloof's were drooling. So they decided to screw the fans that had rooted the team into the playoffs for half a decade, blow up their team instead of rebuild it, and wait it out. If they keep playing like this they will soon get their wish. Trading Ron Artest to the Rockets for Donte Green and change may be helpful in the long run but it was the nail in the coffin for Reggie Theus as coach. Brad Miller is still Brad Miller, Bobby Jackson is not still Bobby Jackson, and Beno is a competitor with Gas-X, not an NBA starting point guard. Their biggest surprise this year has been a rookie named Bobby Brown. These guys will also be lucky to break 25 wins this season and Vegas is definitely the Maloof's prerogative.

Phoenix Suns
Who would've thought in their wildest dream that the same Shaq that everyone saw fall in Miami and get traded to the desert would be the centerpiece on a squad that boasts Nash and Amare? Not me. The Suns are a more complicated than Trigonometry. They seem to have all the parts to make at least one last push for a championship but as much as I admire Terry Porter and the things he has overcome to become a head coach in this league, he just doesn't seem like the right fit for this team. Not only are they having problems implementing a gameplan that makes sense on a nightly basis, word out of Phoenix is that the lockeroom isn't quite what it used to be either. Turns out Shawn Marion wasn't the only person with a ego on the Suns the past couple of years, he was just an easy scapegoat with an ugly jumper. Suns fans should try to enjoy this version of the team as much as possible this year considering the whole team could be overhauled by this time next season and is sure to lose at least one star player by 2010. I see these guys at 29-22 at the break and 44-38 barley beating out the Mavs for the 7th seed and a first round match up with Nawlins.

Los Angeles Lakers
I think Yogi Berra said it best when he famously chimed "It's Dejavu all over again." That could certainly be said about this year's version of the Lakers. Just when Young Drew had gotten his groove back and looked like he was ready to take up the mantle of the next great Laker Big, dude goes down with an injury to his other knee. The good news is that this team is actually deeper than the Lakers of last year with a healthy Trevor Ariza who has been straight up killing teams in limited minutes this season. Lamar should be able to fill the gap at the four for now, even though he just seemed to be embracing this whole six man thing. This injury means that the team will have to adjust it's offense and play more of an uptempo game, which is good news for Jordan Farmar's playing time. Kobe showed us against the Knicks that he can still pick up the scoring load at any time but their biggest concern with the loss of Drew will be their interior defense. Boston beasted on the inside in Finals last year when Drew was down and on Christmas day this year you could tell that he definitely had the goods to be a huge difference maker if the teams were to meet up again in the finals this year. I see this team at 44-10 at the break and finishing the season at 67-15, praying that Andrew's knee will heal quicker than it did last year.